


Training Wheels

by thefirstdisorder



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Ben Solo's Anger issues, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Han and Leia's A+ parenting, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kylux - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 38,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7230433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefirstdisorder/pseuds/thefirstdisorder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens AU} </p><p>{Book 1 of 3 in The Kylux Trilogy} </p><p>Instagram: @thatskinnyscottishbloke</p><p>Tumblr: mustbeatimelord</p><p>Ben Solo, a college freshman majoring in drama, falls for the handsome, charming, optimistic Brendol Hux, a teacher assistant in Ben's drama class. Since his parents' divorce, Ben's anger issues have become more and more apparent, causing strife between him and his family and friends. Ben's anger issues create secrets in Ben and Brendol's budding relationship, causing a lot of gray areas in it. Ben desperately wants for Brendol to be honest with him, and he wants to try to be honest to Brendol, and when they are both able to do that, this should remove the training wheels of Ben and Brendol's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's His Life, He'll Do What He Pleases

**Author's Note:**

> more fanon than canon but hey, it's fiction :) 
> 
>  
> 
> I give a huge thanks to all my readers, especially you, you know who you are ;) <3 
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr- mustbeatimelord  
> Instagram- thatskinnyscottishbloke  
> Wattpad- staygoldstiles

            "I love everything you do,  
     When you call me fucking dumb  
           for the stupid shit I do,  
       I wanna ride my bike with you,  
                   Fully undressed,  
        No training wheels left for you,  
              I'll pull them off for you."  
                 - "Training Wheels",  
          a song by Melanie Martinez  
\----------------------------------------------  
BEGINNING OF PART ONE  
\----------------------------------------------  
"You know, Ben, me and your father, we worked in aerodynamics." Leia Organa followed Ben through the door, holding a box full of Ben's... Ben didn't actually know what was in the box. She placed it on Ben's nightstand, dusting her hands off and folding her arms. "We would've wanted nothing more for our son but for him to take up the family business. But no. What do you major in? Drama." Leia rolled her eyes .

Ben flicked his hair out of his eyes and turned to face his mother. "That was the last box, wasn't it?" 

"Yes, I believe so."

Ben hated the sound of her voice. It reminded him of his high school years and the constant pressure inflicted upon him by his mother. He couldn't stand anything about her. 

Ben could feel his pressure raising. His blood started to boil and he heard his heart pounding in his ears. He knew what would come next. 

Before he could say anything else to his mum, Ben rushed downstairs. He could hear his mother calling, "Where the hell are you off to?" as he turned to the stairwell. He made it into the parking lot and went into his mother's car (she had insisted to drive him since her car could carry a lot and Ben didn't own his own car). He sat down in the front seat and he was starting to sweat. Ben fumbled around in his back pockets until he found his medication. He clumsily shook a pill out and was going to swallow it, but then remembered that he needed water in order to take it. Ben grunted and without thinking, ripped the steering wheel off his mother's car. A huge metal object that was where the steering wheel used to be jabbed out at Ben, and he flinched and jumped back. He dropped the steering wheel on the car floor and shakily stepped out of the car. His anger was gone for now. 

Ben stood outside of the car and leaned against the door. He thought back to how his anger had become a legit problem for him in the first place. It had started at the end of Ben's sophomore year of high school, when he would go to bed hearing the constant sound of his mother and father yelling and breaking things. They divorced over summer break, God knows why. Ben's mother refused to tell him, and Ben hadn't spoken to his father in nearly a year (the last time he called Ben was last thanksgiving, and he was inviting Ben over to his new place, but Ben had said no). Ben didn't want to know the truth to why they divorced now, he just wanted to know why they were so selfish. They couldn't put their problems aside to take care of their only son. It was ridiculous, in Ben's opinion, and the separation of his parents had caused Ben extreme anger issues (diagnosed by the doctor as "intermittent explosive disorder"), that has stuck with him from 16 years old to now, at 18years old. The lack of a father figure in Ben's life and the stress from his mother weren't helping at all either. He'd never say it out loud, but Ben admitted to himself that he was lonely a long time ago. 

He looked to his side and Ben could see his mother coming out of the building. He gasped, and made a beeline to the alternative entrance so she wouldn't see him. He watched from the window inside the building and saw her open the car door. She sighed loudly when she saw what Ben had done and yelled, "DAMMIT!" 

Ben suddenly felt guilty and knew that she's have to get her car towed and the steering wheel replaced. But in his defense, she should really start locking her car doors. Anyone could break in and do a lot more damage than Ben did.  
*******  
Ben walked around campus for what seemed like the five hundredth time since he was accepted in May, and then walked back upstairs to his dorm. He pulled out the key from his pocket and unlocked the door. 

"Benny!" Ben's cousin Rey Skywalker leaped at him from behind the door and stood on the tips of her toes to hug him around his shoulders. Ben leaned into her hug and wrapped his arms around her. 

The stopped hugging and Ben stepped back to look at her. Her short brunette hair was in a messy ponytail and  she was wearing jeans and a cast t-shirt from the play she and Ben were in over the summer. Rey didn't do drama though. She was on aerodynamics, just like her father, her aunt and her uncle. "The family business" as Ben's mother has put it. Rey had only done the play for Ben, which was only one of the reasons to why he loved her so much. The top reason was that she was the only family Ben he had left that was still loyal to him. 

"I just moved in now," Rey said, gesturing to her side of the room. Ben looked around at the small nightstand with lamp, the pink and black chevron bedsheets, the homework desk and the Panic! at the Disco band poster beside the window. Rey looked back at Ben. "I don't like being crowded with a lot of things. Makes for a distracting workspace. You wouldn't know though, seeing you have an assload of stuff..." Rey giggles and Ben lightly shoved her, walking over to his bed. He lay down, kicking his shoes off. 

"I don't have that much stuff." He said defensively, watching Rey unpack his boxes for him. Rey laughed as she pulled out a SeaWorld orca snow-globe and showed it to him. 

"You brought this?"

"Two words, Rey. Sentimental value!" Ben reached out and grabbed the snow-globe from her, Rey laughing harder. Ben was laughing too, and a couple seconds later the laughing subdued. 

Rey lay on Ben's bed and raised her head to look into his eyes. "You know, Benny," she said. "You're so much fun when you're not angry."

Ben shook out his hair. "Oh god, Rey. Please. Don't mention-" 

"No, I won't mention her all I'm saying is that I really like it when things are this way. When we can have fun with each other and laugh without worrying about anything or anyone. Just like old times." 

Ben sighed with relief that Rey hadn't mentioned his mother. "You're the reason that I don't get angry as much anymore." Ben said, honestly. "You're my favorite cousin."

Suddenly, Rey reached for one of Ben's pillows and hit him on the head with it. Ben cried with shock, and began to laugh again. 

"Gosh darn it, Ben." Rey said, nearly laughing, and Ben laughed harder at her refusal to curse. "I'm your only cousin."


	2. (Brendol) Hux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben considered himself a pretty good actor, which was most of the reason he made drama his major. He was good at improv, script, Shakespeare, drama- Ben felt very confident in his acting. But no matter how much experience Ben had in acting, nothing could have prepared him for what happened to him next."

Ben woke up to the smell of eggs. He sat up in bed and stretched out his body, flexing his arms. He ran his fingers through his wavy black shoulder-length hair (which was one of his favorite physical qualities, he'd grown it out to his desired length over the summer, much to his mother's disapproval) and stood up. Ben threw on a Panic! at the Disco t-shirt (which Rey had made him wear after she got it at their concert, Ben had hardly heard any of their songs), yesterday's jeans (which Rey had very kindly washed and ironed for him, God bless her soul) and combed his hair in the mirror. 

He went into the kitchen to see Rey with her back to the stove, a spatula in her hand. She didn't even turn around, but she said, "Morning, Benny!" She looked around to smile at him and she carried over a plate with an omelette on it to the table, setting it down. "I made yours with bacon on it, I remember you said you liked it." 

Damn, Ben hadn't eaten omelettes (or bacon, for that matter) since he early summer and he was thankful that Rey remembered he liked it. He'd even forgotten he'd liked it. Ben went over to Rey and hugged her. "What would I do without you?"

"Crash and burn, probably. Now eat up. We both need to be in class by 8:30... we have half an hour."

Rey went back into the kitchen to get her omelette, and Ben started eating his. So damn good. He was lucky that Rey would cook for him and herself, he pitied the other college freshmen that would be living off Instant Noodle for breakfast, lunch and dinner by the end of the trimester. Almost like she read his mind, Rey called to Ben from the kitchen, "But it's your turn to cook tonight, don't forget!"  
*******  
Around 5 minutes later, Ben and Rey said goodbye and departed from each other, Rey going to the science building and Ben to the math one. 

Ben had no first-day jitters, surprisingly to him, and the day passed on quickly and smoothly. The teachers basically introduced themselves and read through the syllabus, just like in high school. Ben, being the attentive student he wanted to be, paid attention to all of his teachers (even the ones who were boring as hell). He walked to Chipotle a couple blocks away from campus for lunch, after 5th period. 

Ben came back to school campus and made his way to the English building. Freshman literature; English was always a class Ben enjoyed. He went into the building and found the room number, stepping inside. A woman with a tight bun in her hair looked up at him from the desk, smiled (forceful-looking, Ben thought) and welcomed him. Ben nodded and took at look at the assigned seating chart on her desk (even in college, they still had assigned seating charts?!). He walked over to a desk in the middle of the back row, right next to a dude looking down at his phone. Ben sat down and looked at him out of the corner of his eye. 

The dude had dark brown skin and darker brown hair, but his eyes were a light-ish chocolate-y color. Ben wanted to introduce himself, but the bell for class rang. Ben watched the rest of the students. The guy powered off his phone and shifted his body to put it in his back pocket, glancing at Ben for a second before looking to the front of the classroom. 

The professor began to talk for a minute, and then the guy turned around in his seat and faced Ben. "Is that a Panic! at the Disco shirt?" He asked, whispering so the professor wouldn't hear. 

Ben looked down at his shirt; he'd forgotten what he was wearing. "Yeah, I believe." He whispered back. "My cousin got it for me."

"Oh, cool! You listen to them?"

"No, I've heard, like, 2 of their songs on the radio or something. My cousin's a huge fan. She went to their concert in the summer."

"Same! And dude, you gotta listen to their music. They're freaking amazing! Like their new album... I literally can't-" The guy laughed softly and looked down at the ground for a second, then back up at Ben. He outstretched his hand for Ben to shake. "I'm Finn, by the way."

"Ben." Ben shook Finn's hand, and they both turned back to the professor. 

Class ended 50 minutes later. Finn turned to Ben while he was packing up and asked him, "What class do you have next?"

"Drama, thank god." Ben hauled his backpack onto his shoulders and walked out he classroom with Finn. "It's my major, so I'm excited for it."

"Nice. My major is creative writing. I think it's in the same building as drama, lemme walk with you there."

Ben and Finn walked out of the English building and onto the sidewalk. Finn asked Ben about how he decided on drama as a major. 

"Well, let me start out by stating the obvious: I want to be an actor when I'm older. I also want to go to graduate school for it. My mom hated my decision to become an actor, but there was nothing she could do about it seeing as to I'm a legal adult now. How about you?" 

"I don't know... I write short stories in my free time and I've been taking journalism classes since the beginning of middle school and I enjoyed them so I decided, 'Why not go to college for it?', so I did. I kinda want to be a writer, but I'm not sure of it yet." Finn and Ben went inside the creative classes building. 

"My half-cousin, he's a junior here, told me Professor Snoke teaches the drama classes. He has a creative writing class 1st period, but he has most of the drama classes. I hear he's strict but an overall nice guy."

"Good to know. Hey thanks, Finn, talk to you later." Ben waved goodbye and walked into the drama classroom. 

The drama "classroom" was a gorgeous theatre, which was very huge and had a great technical setup backstage (Ben could see backstage, two guys were pushing a rolling cart). Ben noticed a smaller room with a sign saying, "Drama Kids Come Inside" so he went in. 

The room was set up like a classroom, and a tired-looking skinny old man sat upfront of the classroom, peering at the other students. He nodded at Ben on his way in and Ben found an open seat at the east edge of the classroom. He sat down as the bell rang. 

The man introduced himself as Professor Snoke and told the class some things about himself (he'd been married twice, he has 3 cats and he worked as a stage manager in New York). Ben half-listened, feeling tired from the first day of college, causing him to crave some of Rey's peppermint tea. 

Ben considered himself a pretty good actor, which was most of the reason he made drama his major. He was good at improv, script, Shakespeare, drama- Ben felt very confident in his acting. But no matter how much experience Ben had in acting, nothing could have prepared him for what happened to him next. 

"Class, I'd like you to meet your TA, or teacher assistant, Brendol Hux." As if on cue, an average height, 19-ish looking guy came into the classroom from the stage area. Snoke continued speaking. "Brendol is a junior here. He'll be taking over the class when I'm gone..." Snoke was still talking, but Ben had zoned him out. He continued to look at Brendol. 

Hux was sharp-looking from head to toe. He was shorter than Ben, judging how he looked from a couple yards in front of Ben. He stood with his feet shoulder-width apart. Brendol was wearing a green hoodie (which really brought out his eyes, which were bright green as Ben could see from across the room), black jeans and white slip-ons. Brendol caught Ben's gaze and Ben pretended to look away. 

Hux had straight, gelled red hair that parted down the middle, not one hair out of place. Ben wished he could see more of him but Brendol was too far away. Brendol began to speak. "Hello everyone, I'm happy to see some new faces. Professor Snoke has already told you guys a lot about me and my acting experience, and I have nothing to add. But I'll just summarize it: I moved here from Surrey, England for college. I'm 20, this is my 2nd year being a TA for Professor Snoke. I've been in 16 plays and my other hobbies include drawing and outdoor cardio. I won a 5K in the fastest time this summer. And again, I'm really excited to be helping you guys become better actors!" Hux's voice was clipped and he had an English accent (Ben didn't know what type of English accent... Cockney maybe? He absentmindedly watched Downton Abbey with Rey in their free time). He sounded charming, calm and respectful. Ben liked it. 

Snoke gave the class their first assignment: name the different types of theatre (5 +) along with an ultimate question- why do people do theatre? Ben tore his eyes off Hux and took out a piece of paper to write on. He named 3 different types, then got stuck on the last 2. He went over to Snoke to ask him about the different types of theatre but Snoke said, "If I just told you the answer, it wouldn't be an assignment, would it? Ask Brendol to help you."

Ben saw Hux perk up after hearing his name and he went over to Snoke's desk. "Sir, I heard my name?" Hux asked with that fantastic accent of his. 

"This young man wants help with his homework." Snoke said, not looking up form his computer. Hux looked at Ben in the eye, making Ben's skin crawl with nervous happiness. "Should we go back to your desk?" Hux asked Ben calmly. 

"Oh! Yeah..." Ben said sheepishly, laughing softly as he led Hux to his desk. Dammit, Ben, Ben thought. Chill out, what are you even thinking? What are you feeling?!

Ben sat down in his seat and Brendol pulled up a rolling chair. Ben watched as he got one from the back of the room. Not surprisingly, Ben thought Hux had a nice ass. 

Hux pulled up a chair and sat next to Ben, resting his hands on his lap. "What can I do you for again?" Hux smiled and Ben's pores raised with nervousness. 

"Oh. Um... types of theatre? I got 3, I need 5."

"Oh, easy. Let's see..." Hux tilted his head to look at Ben's paper. "So you've got drama, improv, Shakespearean, the last 2 are comedy and tragedy. Most people think that they're a type of Shakespeare theatre but they're not. They're on their own. And the answer to the last question, why do we do theatre, it's because it's fun. That's all Snoke wants to hear really, I took this class my freshman year and I still remember that."

"Wow, thanks!" Ben quickly wrote what Brendol said on his paper and glanced at Brendol. "Um, sir? Mr. Hux? What do I call you, do you prefer either of those names?" 

Hux chuckled, his laugh was deep but light at the same time. It was a fascinating juxtaposition, and it made Ben laugh as well, despite not knowing what Hux was laughing at. Ben focused on Hux's freckles and the way his nose crinkled as he laughed, and Ben felt his pale skin start to blush. Hux said, "Oh, ha. Neither of those names suit me to be honest. I prefer just Brendol. I don't really consider myself an authority, I hate labels." But Ben would continue to call him Hux in his mind, because he just felt it suited him better. He would call him Brendol out loud. Hux laughed again, and he looked at Ben in the eyes. Ben had finally gotten the close-up of Hux he'd wanted: Hux had long golden eyelashes and a light spray of freckles across his nose from cheek to cheek. He had a birthmark on the left side of his neck. Hux smiled once more at Ben before getting up and pushing the chair to the back of the classroom again. Ben went to go turn in his paper early. 

As Ben walked to the front of the classroom to Snoke's desk, thinking about his interaction with Hux, he heard Hux's voice from the back of the classroom say, "Hey, what's your name again?"

Ben turned around to see Hux looking at him inquisitively. "Ben, Ben Solo." Ben introduced himself, feeling a lot less nervous. 

Hux nodded and smiled a 3rd time at Ben, and Ben smiled back, laughing nervously and running his fingers through the front of his hair. A student tapped on Hux and he looked down at her, kneeling down next to her as she spoke to him. Ben turned around and put his paper on the collection pile on Snoke's desk.  
*******  
"My 7th period teacher is so rude. She doesn't even teach that well. I mean, who references algebra in an advanced business calculus class. And who gives an assignment in the first day?" Rey scoffed as she turned back to her desk, scribbling away at her homework. She and Ben had been talking about their first days (they had no classes together) and were comparing teachers. 

"I have Snoke for 7th. Nice guy, kinda strict, likes getting things done promptly and by the rules. He has a TA."

Rey turned back at Ben, watching him fiddle with a Rubik's cube half-heartedly. "Yeah, so do most teachers." Rey said, sniffing. 

"Yeah, I know but this ones different," Ben started, not thinking about where he was going. "Name's Brendol Hux, he's 20, he's done several plays, I forgot how many, and he's really respectful and charming and helpful. He's..." Ben stopped talking when he realized what he was saying. He caught himself, took a breath and said, "...nice."

Rey whipped her head around at Ben, smirking and raising an eyebrow. Ben looked up from the cube and looked at Rey. "What're you giving me that look for?" He asked. 

"He's respectful. He's helpful. He's starting quote, charming, end quote. But yet he's just nice at the same time. Only nice."

"What are you hinting at?"

Rey raised both eyebrows, putting her hands in the air as mock surrender. "I don't know, Ben. I remember this summer you told me you were questioning your sexuality and you did break up with Ellen at the end of high school and-"

"Rey!" Ben hissed. "Shush! Oh my god, anyone could hear you!"

"Benny, please. These walls are soundproof, and besides, no one would have a clue what we're talking about. All I'm saying is that I feel like this Brendol guy might be your first... crush... since Ellen and you might have the chance this year to find out if you're gay or not-"

"I'm not mad, Rey, but let me make one thing clear with you. I'm not gay. I'm questioning if I'm straight or bisexual. That's half the reason I broke it off with Ellen, I wanted to explore my sexuality. Ellen was also really attatchy as well. I do agree with you though, Hux could be a potential love interest, but not a crush or anything, we're not in the 2nd grade."

Rey looked at Ben for a while, then slowly smiled. "Or anything." She said slyly. 

Ben groaned. "Shut up!" He yelled, tossing a pillow at Rey as she ran into the bathroom, giggling. 

"I'm going in the shower first!" She yelled, her footsteps retreating. 

Ben cat-stretched and sprawled himself across his bed. He thought of his ex-girlfriend, Ellen, whom he'd dated for 2 years. She'd really helped him with his parents' divorce and Ben's mother liked her a lot. But Ellen took their relationship for granted, and started to abuse her power in it. She'd get mad if Ben was late for dates or too busy to make any, and Ben hated that she thought she had so much entitlement, so he ended it with her. It had hurt him too, he'd really enjoyed the relationship while it lasted and he really liked Ellen. But after a while, he started feeling numb to Ellen's kisses and touches, and he felt like he needed to check his sexuality. He knew he had to be somewhat straight: Ben knew he liked girls, Ellen had confirmed that for him. They never had sex, but Ben knew enough to know that he wouldn't stop liking girls. He just wanted to know if he liked guys as well, or girls alone. 

Then along came Hux and Ben felt himself (God forgive him for saying this) falling for his appearance and personality. Ben knew that Hux would be the one that would help him really confirm his sexuality. And he started to fall asleep with that mysterious, but optimistic thought. 

Or, he would've fallen asleep of it weren't for the loud sound of Rey singing in the shower. Ben groaned, burying his head further in the pillow to block it out. Rey could rap well (Ben convinced her to enter a rapping contest at school in elementary school, she won 3rd place), but she couldn't sing at all. 

Ben could still hear her singing even when the pillows were over his ears. He recognized the song: a love song from a British TV show they watched over the summer. Not Downton Abbey, the show was more modern day. Ben had forgotten the name of it. 

He listened to the lyrics, "Knock, knock, who's there? Could this be love that's calling? The door is always open wide!"

Ben remembered the lyrics and sang along, as quietly as he could, "Knock, knock, who's there? Now as the night is falling, take off your coat and come inside!" Ben suddenly realized what he was singing, scoffing and shaking his head. He smiled to himself, thinking about Hux one last time for the night and fell asleep.


	3. "So It's a Date?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A week passed. Then 4 days. On Friday,  Ben couldn't deny his obvious affection for Hux. He would never, ever say it out loud (he didn't feel lonely anymore after Hux came into his life), but Rey seemed to know. She made fun of him all the time for it ("You're in love, again, Ben! Just admit it!" She'd say, with Ben constantly denying it), but he wasn't angry about it and he didn't care. But he knew she was right, Ben was falling in love with Hux. He had been in a relationship before but it wasn't even love. It was nothing but temporary. Ellen had definitely had both a positive and negative impact on Ben's life but... it was time to move on and discover what he really was."

A week passed. Then 4 days. On Friday,  Ben couldn't deny his obvious affection for Hux. He would never, ever say it out loud (he didn't feel lonely anymore after Hux came into his life), but Rey seemed to know. She made fun of him all the time for it ("You're in love, again, Ben! Just admit it!" She'd say, with Ben constantly denying it), but he wasn't angry about it and he didn't care. But he knew she was right, Ben was falling in love with Hux. He had been in a relationship before but it wasn't even love. It was nothing but temporary. Ellen had definitely had both a positive and negative impact on Ben's life but... it was time to move on and discover what he really was.

On Friday morning, ending the second week of school, Ben went through his classes and caught Finn for lunch. Finn had come up to him saying, "Ben, I gotta tell you something ?"

"Is it important?" Ben asked, straight-to-the-point. 

"Uh... yeah, a lil' bit. To me at least. But can I tell you during or before class because I kinda have to show you."

"Uh, ok." Ben was curious, what did Finn want to show him? He didn't try to think about it then, he'd just wait for Finn to show him what he needed to later.  
*******  
Ben and Finn walked into English class and sat down in their seats, but Finn kept looking behind him. Ben looked back to see what he was looking at, but there didn't seem to be anything much. Ben felt Finn reach over and tap on his shoulder. Ben looked over at him, and Finn raised his eyebrows and subtly pointed something at the front of the room. 

"What's his name?" Finn asked. 

Ben looked over at the guy that Finn was pointing at. He had floppy brown hair, bold eyebrows and perfect white teeth (as Ben could see, he was talking to the girl behind him). "Um..." Ben started, thinking back. "Oh yeah. It's Poe, I think. I don't know his surname. Why?"

Finn looked at Ben and back at Poe, smiling. Finn did a weird kinda half-sniff, half-chuckle. "What?" Ben asked. 

"I dunno." Finn said, slurring his words. "He's cute, I guess." 

Ben laughed. "That's adorable." He watched Finn stare at Poe, and looked back at Poe. He now has his back turned to the girl, and Finn sighed in relief. 

"I thought he was flirting with her."

"Oh my god, it's like we're back in the damned 8th grade!" Ben said, laughing still. 

Finn looked up at Ben. "Seriously though, I think I might like him, as stupid and immature as that sounds."

"Do you want, like, advice or something? To get him to like you back?"

Finn nodded. 

Ben sighed. He wanted to help Finn with his (excuse him for being rude) school boy crush, but he couldn't think of anything. He didn't know how to make boys like boys, only to make girls like boys. "I don't think I have anything for you right now. Try to ignore him for now, I'll help you later when I think of something."

"Oh. Ok."

Ben appreciated Finn telling him about is attraction to Poe. It was good to have someone trust him so easily. Ben felt like he should tell Finn about Hux, but he decided against it because he didn't want or need advice. Ben was normally a very secretive person anyway. It wasn't that Ben didn't trust Finn, it's that he felt like his attraction to Hux was silly and childish, and he didn't want Finn to think of him any differently than he did now. 

In drama class, Professor Snoke had started the improv unit earlier in the week. He left the students to make their own improv scene to perform in front of Snoke when he called up a group. Ben was partnered with a girl with dyed blue hair, but he couldn't find her in class. When Hux took attendance, another girl that appeared to be her friend said that she was at a job interview. 

"Who's her improv partner?" Hux asked the girl, and Ben said, "I'm her partner."

Hux turned his head to Ben, lightly smiling. "Oh. Awesome," He said, swiftly writing something on the attendance sheet. "I'll be your partner until she gets back, Ben."

Ben didn't know what to think about spending time with Hux with Hux's full attention on him. Ben knew it was strictly for schoolwork and knew Hux thought of him as nothing more but a student, but things had gone well for the past 4 days he had drama class, and it gave Ben some confidence to flirt with Hux. Besides, Hux looked so good today(to Ben, he looked good everyday, but there was something about today): blue button-down, khakis, same slip-ons he wore on the first day. 

Hux made his way over to Ben and suggested that they work in the theatre because it was too loud in the classroom. Ben gulped, and agreed to go outside. 

"So what scene do you recommend? I think we should do something Snoke hasn't seen before... like some cool Game of Thrones shit or something of the likes." Hux said, holding the door open for Ben as they walked into the theatre. 

Dammit, that accent, Ben thought. Years of acting experience and Ben still couldn't act serious when someone he found attractive was around. He couldn't focus with Hux talking to him. 

"Ah, I don't watch Game of Thrones, unfortunately." Ben ran his fingers through his hair (he did that way too much). 

"Oh, that's sad. You gotta watch it, it's good." Hux bounced on the balls of his feet. "I still think we should do something original, unless you wanna do something like..." Hux's voice got higher when questioning Ben. 

"Nah, we could do something original. What do you wanna do?"

"Um... I'm so sorry, I am like, obsessed with tv, have you watched Downton Abbey?"

Ben raised his eyebrows. "Oh my god, yes! I watch it all the time with my cousin!"

"Ben, that's bloody awesome! We should role play as characters from it and do an improv scene about that! 'Kay, so you know what guy who always-"

Hux was still talking, but Ben had zoned out, watching Hux's body language and his lips and listening to the way he talked. Yet, he still managed to pay attention to every word he was saying. Multitasking, that was one thing Ben had gotten much better at since Hux came into his life.  
*******  
"That was a great scene, guys." Snoke half-smiled at Ben and Hux, who were standing in front of his desk waiting for Snoke's feedback. 

"I don't think I've seen a Downton Abbey themed improve scene," Snoke said, chuckling. Hux turned his head a little towards Ben and winked, sending a shiver down Ben's spine. "It was clever and fantastic, one thing though, Ben, you could work a but more on your emotional energy. It was a bit lacking, but everything else was spot-on. I can't wait to see what more you'll bring to my class." Ben grinned, whispering, "Thank you, professor." Snoke turned to Hux. "Thanks for substituting as his partner, Brendol." 

"You're welcome, sir." Hux said, turning away. Ben followed, and they both went to Ben's seat.

Hux looked down at his shoes, then turned to Ben. "Hey, Ben?" He said. 

Ben smiled. "Yeah?"

Hux got a bit closer to Ben. Ben could smell the light scent of his cologne, crisp and a bit citrus-y. Ben liked it. 

Hux whispered in Ben's ear, "So the juniors are having a back-to-school party tomorrow over at the drama sorority house. I live there, and the guys there said that freshman, sophomores and seniors are only allowed to come to the party if a junior invites them. What I'm saying is, Ben, do you wanna go to the party?"

Ben's blood seemed to freeze, and his stomach felt like it dropped to his heels. He turned towards Hux. Stay calm, He told himself. He's just asking you if you want to go to a party. It's not like it's a date or anything.

Or anything, he thought. Ben wanted to roll his eyes at himself, it's like he was Rey now. 

"Ben?" Hux asked. He tilted his head at Ben. 

"Oh yeah," Ben quipped, snapping back to reality. "Yeah. Yeah... I'll go check to see if I have anything I need to do tomorrow. If not, I'll definitely come." Ben smiled with his teeth at Hux. 

"Great, so it's a date, then?" Hux asked quickly. He boyishly smiled at Ben, then started walking towards another group in a corner at the front of the class. Ben watched, shocked.


	4. Her Name Was Ellen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She had big beautiful grey eyes, a perfect nose (making Ben feel a pang of insecurity about his nose) and pink, baby-soft lips. Ben's brain seemed to stop functioning and his heart seemed to stop."

Ben wanted to look good for when he saw Hux at the junior party tomorrow, so after school he decided he'd go to the outlet mall to get some new clothes... or something. 

He wanted to impress Hux, a guy with such expensive taste could only wear clothes that suited him. Ben wasn't going to change himself so Hux could like him, he was just going to get an outfit similar to Hux's style. 

Class ended, Ben said goodbye to Finn and called an Uber to take him to the outlet. He texted Rey where he was going. When the Uber arrived, he got in the car and watched the scenery change: leaving the campus, going on the road and into the city. About 10 minutes later, he arrived, Ben getting out, waving a "thank you" to the driver and watching them drive away as he sat on a bench and thought about where'd he go. 

He decided he wouldn't get a new outfit and he'd just wear whatever to the party, stressing the fact that he wasn't going to change himself for Hux in any form or (no pun intended) fashion. Since he was already at the outlet, he decided he go get some food at the food court. 

Texting Finn if he wanted to meet him there, Ben made his way over to the food court and ordered teriyaki at Panda Express. Finn messages him back saying, "I'll be there in 10 minutes." Ben started to eat, and in little to no time, he saw Finn outside the food court, looking around. Ben waved and Finn caught sight of him, walking over to the table Ben was sitting at. 

"Dude, are you going to that party for the juniors tomorrow?" Finn asked excitedly, sitting down in front of Ben. 

"Yeah, I forgot to ask if you were." Ben said with his mouth full, swallowing. 

"Oh. Who invited you? I might know him."

"Some junior in my drama class." Ben said quickly, hoping Finn wouldn't ask for his name. Ben couldn't say it without getting all... "giddy", Rey would probably describe it as. 

"Mhm. Did I tell you about my half-cousin? Yeah, he's a junior here, he invited me. But I have to ask you something, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, ask me anything." 

"What do I do if I see Poe there?"

Ben shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it, like I told you, just ignore him."

"I've tried! And it works, in class that is, barely. But just imagine being near him at a party, I don't even know how to describe how that'll be an stuff, and then I'll like, see him-"

"Finn! Ok." Ben rested his hand on Finn's, getting him to relax. "Ok, do you want some hardcore Ben advice?" Ben asked, not knowing where he was going with that or what he was going to say. 

Finn tilted his head, nodding. 

Was Ben close enough with Finn to tell him about Ellen? He wouldn't give him the run-down of their relationship, just how he got Ellen to like him. The story was weird as hell, but he wasn't going to tell it to Finn. He was just going to tell him how to get someone to like him with a couple examples, nothing more.   
*******  
In the summertime of 2 years ago, Ben (with much shorter hair than now) threw on a red lifeguard hoodie and stepped outside in the sun, headed to his lifeguard chair. The sun shone brightly in the sky, it was blinding, so Ben put on his sunglasses. He climbed up on his chair, heaving himself to face the front and sat down, people-watching below him. He'd just gotten his first job as a lifeguard at 16 years old, and it was the end of his first week. Ben looked around, bored (desperately wanting to get in the pool instead of tanning in the burning sun), but not for much longer. Ben saw her. 

She wore a black swimsuit, and was laughing with another girl in the deep end of the pool. She had a platinum blonde pixie cut (which wasn't wet, surprisingly), but that was all Ben could see because she was so far away. She told her friend something and started to get out of the pool. She was walking away but her friend yelled, "Oh, and get me a Diet Coke, please, thanks!"

Ben suddenly realized that she was heading to the snack court, and he racked his brain. He set up the "Lifeguard Will Be Back" sign, jumped off his chair and speed-walked (since no running was an obvious rule) to the snack court. He got in, saw the cashier and asked if they could trade shifts. He said yes, just in time too, the girl had walked into the court. The cashier looked at Ben, then the girl, then back again. He raised one eyebrow and smirked at Ben as he left. Ben waved him off, and the girl was standing right in front of him now. 

She had big beautiful grey eyes, a perfect nose (making Ben feel a pang of insecurity about his nose) and pink, baby-soft lips. Ben's brain seemed to stop functioning and his heart seemed to stop. 

"H-hi." He managed to choke out, feeling himself start to sweat (and he knew it wasn't the sun this time). The girl smiled at him, with pearly teeth and blue and yellow braces on them. 

"Hey, can I please have 1 pack of gummy worms and 2 diet cokes please?" She asked sweetly. Ben loved the sound of her voice already.

"Sure," Ben half-whispered. He tore his eyes off  the girl and went to the fridge to fetch the diet cokes. He couldn't think straight, but he tried to formulate a scene with the girl. Maybe it was the heat messing with his brain, but Ben was pretty sure that he was going to ask her out. 

Ben got the cokes and turned back to the register, dipping underneath the desk to get a pack of gummy worms. He put the snacks on top of the desk, cashing hem out and asking the girl for the money in a shaky voice. She gave him a credit card, their fingers touching as he took it from her, sending a shiver down Ben's spine. He cashed out the snacks and pushed them to the girl. She smiled that smile at him once more, turning to leave. Ben asked her, "Hey what's your name?"

She turned around again. "Ellen." She said. "Now that I think about it, I feel like I've seen you around school before."

"I haven't seen you." Ben said, watching Ellen move back towards him. "I would remember that." He blurted out, chastising himself in his mind when he realized what he'd said. 

Ellen giggled softly, gazing at Ben with her grey eyes. Ben began to giggle as well, looking down at the floor. He quickly looked back up at Ellen, saying, "Me, you, this Saturday, that Italian restaurant in the town square?" Ben asked. 

Ellen smiled again, and Ben couldn't take it anymore. "I'd love that." She said. Ben sighed in relief and happiness. "Eight o'clock good?" She added. 

"Yeah." Ben said, smiling back. 

"It's Ben, right?"

"Yeah, it's Ben." He replied, knowing she was talking about his name. "Ben Solo."

Ellen smiled once more, turning around and walking out the door. Ben felt like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders, and he felt happier than he had in a long time. Ben turned around to see the cashier guy giving him a thumbs-up from the broom closet. Ben waved him off again, asking, "How much did you see?"

"None of it," He replied. "Your body language was enough to know. Congrats man, she was pretty cute." 

Ben chuckled, feeling himself starting to blush. "You can be lifeguard for he rest of the day." He told him. "I don't wanna see her again before our date, it might jinx things for me."

Their first date went smoothly, and it was followed by many more over the next 1 3/4 years of Ben's life. Ben had forgotten all about his parents divorce, forgotten about how lonely he used to be. When with Ellen, he felt free and aloof, knowing nothing could bring him down. The 1 3/4 years Ben dated Ellen for were filled with many firsts for him. First date over the summer going into their junior year. First kiss over winter break. First Valentine's Day spent together. Ben's cousin Rey (who lived a couple blocks away, Ben would visit her all the time) would be so happy for him for getting a girlfriend, and Ben was ecstatic. But in May, during Ben's senior year, the constant happiness Ellen had provided him was washed away.   
*******  
Ben felt his phone ring in his pocket. He pulled it out, checking the caller. He smiled at the name, answer the call. "Babe..." He whined. "I'm writing an essay on socialism, help, it's due tomorrow."

"Ben, baby, I need you." Ellen said breathily. 

"What for?"

"Come to my place in 10 minutes. You'll see."

Ben looked at the essay on his laptop. He'd only written his thesis. But the essay could always wait, he wanted to see what Ellen needed him for. Ben threw on his jacket and walked over to Ellen's house. 

Once he got there, he typed in the security password (Ellen swore that he was the only one outside her family who knew it) and got inside. "Ellen?" He called. He hung up his jacket on the coat rack and took off his shoes. Ben assumed she was in her room, so he headed upstairs. "What do you want to show me? Once you show me, I should stay over and watch a movie with you or something!"

Ben opened the door to Ellen's room, but she wasn't there. "Ellen?" He called again. He noticed that the windows in Ellen's room were shut and the lights were dimmed. Ben was confused. 

Ellen walked out of the bathroom connecting to her room. She was wearing (how could Ben describe it?) a red translucent nightgown, and Ben could see her undergarments. Ben wasn't sure what to think as she walked up to him. "Hey, baby," Ellen kissed Ben long and hard with no warning. She broke the kiss off, leaning Ben staring into her gorgeous gray eyes, completely shocked. He could feel Ellen's hand sliding down his side down to the hem of his shirt. She helped him take it off (or more like he helped her take it off), and rested her hands on Ben's chest. Ellen's right hand slithered up to his neck and rested on Ben's shoulder, and her left one slid down his back, around a centimeter above his ass. 

"Baby," she whispered. "Has a girl ever touched you like this?" Ben shook his head no. "No girl ever will, no girl except me." Ellen said. Both of her hands came back together and she unbuttoned Ben's jeans, unzipping them, they slid to the ground. Ben and Ellen stood in front of each other, both pretty much on the cusp of being naked, looking into each other's eyes.

"Ben," Ellen said, resting both her hands on Ben's chest, and her head on top of them. "Make me yours, Ben. Please."

Ben was scared. He knew exactly what Ellen wanted him for now. What she wanted to show him. And he wasn't ready yet. Both of them were only 17. He couldn't do this now, not yet, not to Ellen or himself. He wasn't going to lose his virginity or take hers. 

"What do you mean?" Ben asked stupidly, not thinking before he spoke. Ellen sighed softly, wrapping her arms around Ben's neck. Ben awkwardly put his hands on her waist.

"Make a woman out of me." Ellen breathed. 

Ben felt himself start to panic, and his shoulders sunk. Ben, a 17-year-old high school senior, wasn't ready to have sex with his girlfriend of nearly 2 years. Why? Because he knew he didn't love her. 

But how was he going to say no?

"Ellen," He started. Ellen tilted her head. "I can't." 

Ellen raised her eyebrows. "Why not?" She asked (a bit impatient-sounding, Ben thought). 

"I'm not ready," Ben said honestly, so matter-of-fact. Ellen dropped her hands from Ben's shoulders. 

"It's just that," Ben turned towards the door, pacing the ground, looking down at his feet. "First there's dating, and then there's marriage, and sex, and children, and a family and all that stuff, and I'm just not ready for it yet, Ellen!" Ben had an idea. He walked over to Ellen's desk, getting a piece of paper and a highlighter. Ellen followed. 

"What are you doing?" She asked. Ben focused on drawing. He drew 2 bicycles, one with 2 wheels and one with 4, the training wheels still attached. He raised the picture to show Ellen, pointing at the 2-wheeled bicycle. 

"If I have sex with you," He started. "This will be us. I can't do it yet. It's going to be too difficult to manage our relationship afterward, like how hard it is for a child to ride a 2-wheeler for the first time." He stated. Ben pointed at the training wheeled bicycle. "This is us now, and I'd like it to stay that way for now. We need to keep the training wheels on our relationship, Ellen, we're still so young. If we take them off too early, one of us or both of us are gonna end up getting hurt. Don't you see?" 

Ellen's eyes started to fill up with tears. "Ben! All of our friends are in relationships, and they've all had sex! It's ok, you don't have to be scared to lose your training wheels to me. We'll pull them off together, we can ride a 2-wheeled bicycle if you give me the chance." Ellen went up closer to Ben, drawing him into her. "Let's quit this ridiculous metaphor and please, Ben," Ellen fiddled with Ben's underwear line. "Make a woman out of me." She repeated. 

"No!" Ben half-shouted. Ellen backed away and leaned against her bed, shocked. "I can't, I just can't, Ellen, dammit! Why can't you see that?! I'm really scared, Ellen, we're too young to have sex and we're not strong enough! If you don't understand that, then we can't do this anymore!" He shouted the last part. Ben panted, screaming in his head, 'Please don't be having a breakdown, please don't be having a breakdown, please don't be having a breakdown...'

Ellen nodded slowly and pushed herself onto the bed, sitting down. "Fine," She said, terrifyingly calm. "Ben Solo, we have a lot of history together believe it or not, but if you want to leave it all behind like that, be my guest." 

Ben looked at Ellen in her eyes, knowing that was probably going to be the last time he did that. Those beautiful gray eyes he'd fallen in love with nearly 2 years ago hadn't changed a bit. Ben could see right into them and he knew what Ellen was feeling. Angry, confused and depressed. 

Ben started to put back on his clothes. Once he'd finished, he looked back at Ellen. Her eyes were almost giving him the mental middle finger, but deep down, Ben could see that she didn't want him to go. A tear escaped her eye, which caused Ben's tears to escape, too. "I'm sorry, Ellen." Ben said, choking out his words the same way he did when they first met, only this time, with a different emotion. Without another glance, Ben walked out the door and out of Ellen's house. 

Ben would never tell Ellen, because it would break her heart, but her manipulation of him wasn't the only reason he broke up with her. Ben felt like he needed to question his sexuality. He didn't know how or why or what it was caused by, but he just felt it in his heart that he had to do it. He'd been thinking about questioning it for months now, especially when he started to feel numb to the way Ellen touched him. He was extremely sad about the breakup, but a tiny part of his mind yelled, 'At last! Finally free!'

Ignoring Ellen for the next month of school was not as hard as he thought it would be. When Ben graduated from high school, he hoped that he would see Ellen again, possibly. He would miss her a lot.   
*******  
As Ben thought over his relationship with Ellen, he realized that he wouldn't be able to tell Finn about it without having an emotional breakdown. So he tried his best to tell Finn how to get someone to like him without telling him anything about his private life. 

"Ask him out," Ben said. "I know it's lame, but it usually works. If it doesn't, try to tell him how you feel about him. If he isn't a dick, he should take you out once at least. That's all I have to tell you, Finn, I don't really have experience with this kind of thing." Ben said, lying about the last part. "I know you've got the looks and self-confidence to win him over." Ben spoke the truth, smiling at Finn. 

Finn smiled back. "Wow. Thanks, Ben," Finn said. Ben felt good helping him out. "That actually helps a lot."

Ben smiled again at Finn, nodding. "Now," He said, smirking a bit. "If we're done taking about our feelings like 2nd grade girls, you wanna get something at Panda Express? I'm buying."


	5. Ben's Subpar Realtionship Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So Finn liked Poe, he didn't like Rey. The only 2 possible explanations for why he'd want to go to the party with her were a) they were just going as friends (but Finn had Ben, so that didn't seem very realistic) or b) he actually started to like Rey (Ben prayed it wasn't that one, if his best friend dates his cousin that would make him a 3rd wheel 24/7) or c) Finn was using Rey to make Poe jealous or something like that. Ben didn't really know how that worked."

"Indian shikakai powder hair gel." Ben read the label off a jar of hair gel Rey had gotten him. He looked at Rey, who was standing outside the bathroom. 

"Makes your hair all nice and shiny so you look cute when you see Mr. Hux at the party," Rey giggled, then checked her phone. "In exactly 30 minutes."

Ben looked at himself in the mirror. Just Ben, nothing had changed. He was going to put a little bit of hair gel in but that was going to be it: same clothes, same personality, same everything. Ben wasn't going to change himself for Hux because he hoped Hux would like him for who he already was.

"And Benny," Rey started, walking up to him. "I have a friend coming over, I promised him I'd get him ready for the party. That's cool, right? Maybe the 2 of you could meet."

Ben looked at Rey, shrugging. "I don't know why you couldn't have told me about them." He said, not really caring either way. "What's his name?" He asked. 

"Finn."

"I know a guy named Finn."

"Is he black?"

"Yeah."

"I think we're talking about the same guy."

"I didn't know you guys were friends."

"Are you friends with him too?"

Ben shrugged again. "You could say that."

"Oh. That's cool, actually." Rey said, looking down at the ground, digging her toe in the carpet. The doorbell rang. Rey looked up at Ben. "That must be him." Rey started towards the door, but Ben stopped her. 

"Rey, do you like him?" He asked, whispering. 

Rey looked surprised. She shook her head no, saying, "I used to for like, a day. It was stupid. But he is my like, best and only friend here now, so I gotta make an impression."

She started towards the door again, this time opening it. Ben could hear Finn's voice and he and Rey were talking. Ben went back to his hair, but he heard Finn say jokingly, "Stop being a narcissist." 

Ben turned to him, smiling. "Hey, Finn." He thought for a bit, then asked, "So how do you know Rey?"

"Math class. Why?"

"Well, I didn't know you guys were like, friends. I don't know." Ben said, feeling awkward. All these weird conversation he'd been having were probably because he was nervous to see Hux. 

"Okayyy." Finn left. Ben shook his head. 

Soon, Ben could hear Rey's voice saying, "Yeah, I'll come to the party with you! Can you come back on like an hour or so? Like 45 minutes-ish?"

"Yeah, why?" Ben heard Finn ask. 

"That's how long it'll take me to get ready."

Ben listened, and heard Finn's footsteps retreating. Rey walked into the bathroom. "Finn just asked me to go to the party with him!" She said excitedly. 

Ben thought. So Finn liked Poe, he didn't like Rey. The only 2 possible explanations for why he'd want to go to the party with her were a) they were just going as friends (but Finn had Ben, so that didn't seem very realistic) or b) he actually started to like Rey (Ben prayed it wasn't that one, if his best friend dates his cousin that would make him a 3rd wheel 24/7) or c) Finn was using Rey to make Poe jealous or something like that. Ben didn't really know how that worked. He told Rey that that was cute and he followed Finn. 

When he caught sight of Finn, he said, "Finn, wait up!" And he turned around. 

"Wait, so if you like Poe-"

Finn shushed Ben, looking around frantically. He looked up at Ben. "I don't want anyone else knowing that!" He whispered. "I haven't even told Rey!"

"Were you planning on telling her?"

"I was going to tell her at the party tonight."

"Anyway, why'd you ask her out to the party if you got me already?"

"I don't know." Finn looked away from Ben. After a couple seconds, he said, "Alright I'll tell you the truth. I was going to pretend she was my date whenever Poe was around to make him jealous." 

Ben knew it. He shook his head. "My cousin is very smart." He said. "She's gonna find out you're doing that to her sooner or later, probably sooner, and she's either gonna be really sad or really pissed." 

"I know, it was a stupid idea, I feel bad now."

"Here Finn, promise me this: you won't use Rey to get Poe to like you, how about you just go to the party as friends like you are with me?"

"Yeah I was gonna do that, but how do I talk to Poe and stuff."

"Make small talk. That's how I got my girlfriend." Ben said, half-lying. "But using Rey isn't going to get Poe to like you back, Finn. Be yourself around him, he seems like a nice guy already. Remember what I told you yesterday."

"Well, OK. I think I'm fine. Sorry for bothering you so much about this, Ben."

"It's cool. So how are you going to take her? 

"Well, she said she's not gonna be done getting ready until after the party's started so she said she'd text me when she's done and I'll get her. Before then, I'll walk you over to the party since you don't know where it is and then I'll mingle for a little bit then go back to your dorm for Rey."

"Cool. Solid plan. I like that." Ben said, slapping Finn in the back. Finn didn't even flinch. 

"Yeah. Let's go." Finn said, walking ahead of Ben. He opened the door for them and they walked outside. 

"How's creative writing?"

"Good, I guess." Finn shrugged. "There's a possibility that I might switch majors."

"Oh, why?"

"I don't know. I don't really like the teacher in the first place, plus, it's not really my thing anymore."

"What would you change it to?"

"Probably biology."

Ben and Finn talked for a little while more until they got to the house, and Ben thought to himself. 'It's going to be fun being a college student.'

He appreciated the fact that Finn had so much trust in him and he wanted to trust Finn too, but he was afraid to do it too soon. 


	6. Drama Kids Know How to Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben started to push his way through the crowd of people to Hux. He looked for where he was, but he had lost sight of him. "Damn." Ben said under his breath. 
> 
> Suddenly, Hux appeared, smiling at Ben. Ben was shocked. He took a deep breath, and smiled shyly. "Hey, Brendol." "

Once they got to the drama sorority house, it was already jam-packed. Ben and Finn walked inside. 

There were already around 200 people dancing and having fun. Ben tried to look for someone he knew and he spotted a few people from his science class. He'd go over to them once Finn left to get Rey. 

Ben and Finn decided they'd go over to get food first and they'd do actual partying once Rey was with them (Finn felt guilty having fun without her, which Ben found slightly ridiculous). To Ben it was weird to do that, he and Finn just stood around people-watching and attempting to make awkward conversation before Finn decided to go get Rey 15 minutes later. 

Ben spotted the people from his science class again and greeted them. Ben sighed, half-listening to the conversation they were having with each other and saying a thing or 2 at times, but so far, he wasn't really having any fun. Ben thought he really needed to make more friends at college. But these people were obviously really exclusive and not really inviting toward Ben, so he left and sat on one of the couches. He wondered where the hell Hux was. 

In a matter of minutes, Ben was squished in the corner of the couch by a couple furiously making out. 'Oh god', Ben thought to himself. 'It's like my freshman year of high school.' Ben squeezed out of the couch and turned a corner, searching for someone to talk to again. 

When did Ben become the shy person that has to look for someone to talk to? Where the hell was Hux? When was Finn coming back? Hell, Ben would even take Poe, he seemed really popular and he'd probably introduce Ben to some cool people. But 75% of what was on Ben's mind was Brendol Hux. 

Then, Ben saw him. 

He was talking to a crowd of people, and he seemed really into the conversation. Out of habit, Ben started to observe his appearance. 

He wore his usual hairstyle and was wearing a green and yellow button down shirt with brown pants. He laughed at something the guy he was talking to said. He turned his head and saw Ben. Their eyes locked. 

They were both staring at each other and Ben wondered, 'Should I go over there and talk to him? Maybe meet his drama friends? Or would that make me seem uncool or something?' Ben stopped that thought, wondering when he started to care about what people thought. He decided he'd go over to talk to Hux. 

Ben started to push his way through the crowd of people to Hux. He looked for where he was, but he had lost sight of him. "Damn." Ben said under his breath. 

Suddenly, Hux appeared, smiling at Ben. Ben was shocked. He took a deep breath, and smiled shyly. "Hey, Brendol." 

He loved being close to Hux. Studying his bright green eyes and his long golden eyelashes. The lovely spray of freckles that went from cheek to cheek. Listening to his medium thick British accent. Loving the way his lips moved as he talked. To Ben, Hux was a living work of art. 

"Hey! Ben!" Hux said excitedly. He leaned in closer to Ben. "You look great by the way." His breath smelled like mint Oreos. 

Ben laughed, looking down at the floor and running his fingers through his hair. "Naw. I look like a bug."

Hux made a confused face. He shook his head. "Damn, that self-esteem, mate. You gotta up it a bit. I think you look good." Ben felt himself starting to blush yet again (he really needed to start learning how to control that). Hux asked Ben if he wanted to sit down and talk.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Good to really and get away from the drama." 

Hux laughed. "That's funny." He said. "You got jokes, man."

"What's funny? What did I do again?" Oh dear god, here Ben was again, not knowing what he was doing or what he was saying. Hux made him a mess. Today has been so scattered for Ben, one of the most awkward days of his life so far and he probably had a new record for the number of weird conversations he'd had in a day. 

Hux laughed again, playfully shoving Ben. Ben's skin tingled in the place Hux had touched him. He laughed nervously. "Ha-ha." Hux mocked Ben. "That was an unintended pun? You said drama, and well, the people I was just talking to were part of the drama department, and I thought you wanted to be alone or something so you made that pun..." Hux drifted off. Ben knew he had probably started to sense the awkwardness. Ben hoped that he couldn't tell why he was nervous. 

Ben shook his head. "Oh yeah," he said. "No I didn't mean to make that joke." Ben laughed. "Ok, let's go find a couch or something." He said quickly. 'Goodness' Ben yelled at himself inside his mind. 

"Ok, there's 1 outside the kitchen." Hux led Ben to the couch. Ben was in a daze. He promised himself no more weirdness with Hux (or anyone for that matter) for the rest of the night. 

Hux led Ben to a plaid patterned couch in front of the kitchen counter. They sat on opposite sides, with Ben stretching his legs out in front of him, half-facing Hux. Hux kicked his legs up on the couch and slung his arm over the front part. He raised his chin at Ben. 

"So how are you enjoying the party so far, Ben?"

Ben looked around. "No offense to you or to any of the juniors," Ben started. "But I'm not really feeling the party thing tonight. My friend from English class just went back to my dorm to get my cousin and bring her here. I hardly know anyone in this room, and when I try to talk to people, everybody's been so exclusive. I need to make friends but I can't." Ben sighed and stared at his shoes, then it dawned on him that he'd just spilled his guts to Hux. He looked up to see Hux's reaction. He was nodding his head in sheer sympathy. 

"I'm really sorry to hear that." Hux said. "Hey, until your friend and your cousin come back, how about I introduce you to some of my mates form the drama department?" He leaned toward Ben again. "We're a bit crazy, but I bet they'll like you." He whispered. 

Ben shrugged, half-smiling. "I don't know, maybe later actually." He said. "I'm still feeling a little shy. I hope that this whole... experience with me hasn't been too awkward for you, Brendol."

Hux smirked. "No, no, it hasn't been awkward for me to be honest." He shrugged. "Hey, do you wanna go upstairs?"

Ben's eyes widened. "What?" He asked stupidly. 

"I asked if you want to go upstairs. I could show you my room. I hope you like cats, I've got 1 upstairs. She's really nice, but at the same time she's such a little shit, I swear she pisses off my roommates on purpose just to be miserable." Hux chuckled. "So you wanna get up?"

Ben didn't give himself a lot of time to think. He was going to be in a room alone (besides the cat, obviously) with the guy he was falling in love with. He was obviously nervous, but he was never going to refuse. 

"Yeah, of course." Ben found himself saying, smiling at Hux. Hux grinned as he got off the couch. Ben stood up. "I like cats." 

Hux gestured to the stairs, mocking a tour guide of some sort. Ben laughed and walked up the stairs, Hux following.


	7. Denial Tastes Like Vodka Fruit Punch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Stupid, stupid Ben. He'd never like you back, anyway. You're still a child to him, and there's an age difference, and you don't even know his sexuality. The whole thing is stupid and immature. You need to stop, Ben.'"

"It's the last door to the left," Ben heard Hux's voice explaining behind him. Ben walked down the long hallway to Hux's room, allowing Hux to open it. 

Hux's room was medium sized, and it had 1 bed with grey sheets. The wall with the window on it had many posters from plays (plays that Hux had previously been in, Ben assumed): Les Miserables, Oklahoma!, Tarzan, etc. 

Hux sat down on the bed, stretching his legs in front of him. Ben followed, copying Hux's position. He looked at Hux to see that Hux was already looking at him. 

Hux took a deep breath, and looked into Ben's eyes. Ben stared back, waiting to see if Hux would say anything. 

"Where's your cat?" Ben asked out of curiosity. 

"Probably in one of the other guys's rooms. You can meet her later if I find her. Her name's Millicent, by the way." Hux smoothed back his hairline. 

"What role did you play in Les Miserables?"

"General Javert. I did Les Mis at the end of my senior year of high school."

"I've never seen Les Miserables."

"Oh man. You gotta watch the movie sometime. So," Hux said hesitantly. "How was your life before college? Like... what were your interests, what classes did you take, you know..."

Ben was a bit surprised by the question. Should he tell Hux about his parents' divorce? About his anger issues? About Ellen? 

'Yes,' Ben told himself. 'If I'm ever going to be in a relationship with him, it's best that he'd know about my life. He'll reveal some of his life to me too.'

Ben decided he'd start things off by telling Hux about his parents' divorce. "Well, my parents got divorced in the summer going into my junior year of high school. I lived with my mother."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Hux tilted his head at Ben with sympathy. "I'm not saying that living with your mother was bad but it must've been hard for you, living as a teenager without any father figure."

"Yeah, it was. He never talked to me, either. Not to mention all the added pressure from my mum about constantly getting perfect grades and being a straight-A student. My whole family almost is in aerodynamics, even my cousin, she's a freshman here as well, and when my mother heard that I didn't wanna take up the family business and instead I wanted to major in drama, ooh. She went ballistic. But there was nothing she could do about it because I'm a legal adult now and I can handle my own education. My mum said that if I took drama as a major, she wouldn't pay for my tuition. So I'm on a scholarship."

"Yikes. I'm sorry about that whole thing with your mother. I could pay for your tuition!"

"What?! No... no, Brendol. I wouldn't let you do that. I couldn't let you do that." Ben had already been able to kind of tell that Hux's parents were incredibly rich (what kind of job did they have?), but this confirmed it for him. 

"Ben. Both of my parents are stage actors on the side, but they're also neuroscientists. I promise you, we got lots of money to spare. C'mon, just let me do you this one favor." Hux sounded dead serious. Ben didn't know what to say. "Please, Ben."

"Well," Ben started. "Thank you. If things start getting a bit rough, then yes, you can step in. It's just that I don't want people to like, assume things about us because you're paying for my education. But on the other hand, there are some things I can't do at the school since I'm using their money, so if you paid, then I'll probably be able to do them. I don't know what they are, I'll have to find out, but I know that they do have some restrictions."

Hux nodded. "Did you date anyone back at home before college?" He asked curiously. "You had or have a girlfriend?" When Ben didn't answer right away, Hux asked hesitantly, "Boyfriend?"

"What? No..." Ben trailed off, knowing he sounded suspicious. "I had a girlfriend." 

"Oh." Hux said. Ben hoped he wouldn't ask why they broke it off, so he changed the subject. 

"After my parents' divorce, the lack of a father figure in my life took its toll on me." Ben stated. "I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and intermittent explosive disorder. That's what the doctor called it at least. But I haven't had an emotional breakdown for a while now. I'm on medication."

Hux nodded. "If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always come to me." Ben watched Hux's lips move. He felt himself wanting to kiss them, but he shook the thought away. 

"Thanks, Brendol," Ben sighed. "I got my cousin, Rey, too. She's really been helping me through a lot. I don't know what I'd do without her." 

"That's great."

"Yeah." Ben looked away from Hux and listened to the commotion and music downstairs. He could still feel Brendol's eyes on him. 

There were a couple more seconds of silence, but Hux asked Ben, "Hey, just out of like, curiosity or something, do you have any idea what your sexuality is?"

Ben perked up and he looked at Hux. Hux shifted awkwardly. What should Ben tell him? The truth? That he was questioning? Ben was freaking out. 

Without any further thought, Ben suddenly said, "Yeah, I'm straight. I had a girlfriend."

After saying it, Ben instantly knew he shouldn't have said it. He felt the words coming out of his throat and he tried to force them back but he said them anyway. He knew now that Hux would never even think of going out with him. Ben felt the chills under his skin, and he wanted to either scream in emotional pain or just cry. 

Trying not to look into Hux's face, Ben found an escape plan. "Imma go get food." He said quickly, getting up from Hux's bed.

"Wait, Ben! I can go get some for you. You still haven't met my cat!" Ben heard Hux say as he dodged a corner. Ben quickly went down the stairs and to the food table. 

He grabbed a cup and filled it with fruit punch, Ben assumed it was. He chugged it, gasping as he finished. Ben shook his head. How could he have been so stupid? How could he take those words back from Hux? Ben imagined him trying to explain his sexuality to Hux. Yeah, that wasn't going to work. He didn't even know if Hux was straight or not. He probably was, and he was asking Ben because he'd noticed the way Ben looked at him or something. Maybe Hux was homophobic. 

Ben tried to tell himself he didn't care as he drank a 2nd cup of fruit punch. His vision started to blur. He filled another cup, and took a sip. 

'Stupid, stupid Ben.' He thought. 'He'd never like you back, anyway. You're still a child to him, and there's an age difference, and you don't even know his sexuality. The whole thing is stupid and immature. You need to stop, Ben.'

Ben finished his 3rd cup of punch. He could hardly see, and he could hear the liquid sloshing in his stomach. But the punch he was drinking had seemed to help him feel better about the whole hix incident, so he took a 4th. 

As he took the ladle and started pouring punch into his cup, he could vaguely spot a tall guy whom he didn't recognize yelling at someone. He couldn't really hear what he was saying. Ben tilted his body to see who he was yelling at. There was a girl with short honey-blonde hair cowering in the corner of the couch, sobbing violently. She would try to speak at times, but tee guy cut her off, screaming angrily at her. Ben could only imagine how she felt. 

The guy said some final words and blew her off, storming around the corner. Ben watched him go, then turned back to the girl. She was crying still, her face buried in her hands. Ben saw another girl bend down towards the girl, saying something. Ben read her lips, they said, "Nobody is going to believe you."

Ben angrily wondered, 'A girl is crying in the corner and yet nobody goes to comfort her because they're all too busy having fun? Sick people.' Ben shakily stood up. If no one else was going to do it, he would. He made his way onto the floor and started to amble towards the girl. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion. 

Suddenly, a familiar-looking guy pounced in front of Ben, his chocolate brown eyes wild. Ben recognized the guy as Finn. What the hell was he trying to do?

"Ben! Man, what the hell is wrong with you? Where'd you come from?" Finn stood in front of Ben, unwavering, and looked at the snack table. He looked at Ben again, terrified. "Ben," Finn started, his voice shaky. "Oh god, Ben. Please, please tell me you haven't drank anything besides the water here."

"What?" Ben asked, trying to stand up straight. He could hear what Finn was saying, but had no idea what he was talking about. 

"The red drink in that bowl over there, Ben. You've been drinking that haven't you?"

"I drinked the red drink, yes, I have." 

"Dude. Ben. That stuff in there is spiked to the max with vodka! Ben, that stuff makes you super, super drunk! Ben, you're drunk, we gotta go home. I'm so sorry, my cousin told me they were gonna have that stuff here, I forgot to tell you not to drink it-"

"Well, that's your own damn fault, then!" Ben found himself shouting at Finn, and Finn lowered himself a bit. "I love the red drink." Ben didn't want to hear anything else Finn had to say. He looked over Finn's shoulder to see the girl still crying on the couch. He shimmied around Finn to go over and talk to her. Finn quickly turned around and took hold of the hem of Ben's shirt, but Ben twisted his shoulders, causing Finn to let go. He heard Finn's fingernail break and Finn wince in pain. Ben heard footsteps quickly race up behind him, and he heard Rey's voice yell, "Benjamin fucking Solo, what the fuck is wrong with you?!??"

Ben had finally made it over to the girl, and he sat down on the couch. He looked around. Finn and Rey had disappeared from his line of vision. The girl sniffed uncontrollably, looking up at Ben. Ben smiled a toothy grin, putting his arm around the girl. 

"Hey, babe," He slurred. "You know, that guy, he ain't good enough for you." The girl looked extremely surprised that someone was talking to her. She giggled and leaned into Ben's chest. 

"I think you're absolutely beautiful." Ben said. A part of his mind screamed at him, 'What are you doing??!!!! What happened with Hux?!?! Who is this bitch??!'. But he could hardly hear that part of his mind. He didn't realize it, but the alcohol had taken over most of his body and mind. Ben licked his lips. 

"You know, sweetcheeks, telling me I'm beautiful isn't gonna be enough." She grabbed the collar of Ben's shirt and pulled him towards her. Their faces were centimeters away, and they were both breathing ragged breaths. "You gotta show me." 

Ben nodded furiously. The girl smirked and took his hand, leading him up the stairs. Ben saw Poe on the way, Poe giving him a confused look while the girl led Ben away. Ben also thought he saw Hux's familiar red head in the crowd. 

The girl popped open  one of the first rooms upstairs, and a ginger cat rushed out. She dragged Ben inside with her. 

She pushed Ben against the door, closing it and locking it. She kissed Ben, and his eyes fluttered shut. Been could taste her saliva, she was slobbering all over him. She bit his lips and Ben let her slide her tongue inside his mouth. Ben started to sweat and he tried to breathe, and moaned pleasurably as the girl wrenched his head back, running her fingers through his hair. She pushed her hips against Ben's. 

The girl broke the kiss, and got a hold of Ben's shirt, stripping it off him. Ben didn't know where to put his hands so he sprawled himself against the door. The girl grabbed him by the belt and they flung over onto the couch. The girl was right on top of Ben, thrusting her hips against his as their making out intensified. Ben had half an idea of what was going on. He continued to move his mouth in rhythm with the girl's but he relaxed his body and let her do the work. 

The girl broke it off again and grabbed the button of Ben's jeans, she unbuttoned them and was about to zip down his fly. Ben heard a light rattle of the doorknob, but he didn't worry about it then. 

When the girl had stripped Ben all the way down to his underwear, the rattling on the doorknob continued. The girl stopped and looked toward the door. "What the hell?" She said.

Then, all of a sudden, Ben saw a foot go straight through the door. The girl screamed. Ben then saw Finn jump onto the door and it fell straight down, making the girl scream harder. Ben could see that Finn was carrying a huge jug of water with him and was trying to open it. The girl started towards Finn like a linebacker. Finn succeeded in opening the jug and he reached over the girl as she started to pounce on him, throwing the water at Ben. Ben yelled, "My god!" as the water hit his eyes. 

Everything was a blur.


	8. Lying Down Freezing Wet In Your Best Friend's Cousin's Room Is Not How You Want Your Weekend To Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben figured out that he was supposedly supposed to sleep in a stranger's room until morning, when he would receive the gruesome story about how he got drunk. Ben wondered why one of his friends wasn't taking him home, but even thinking hurt for him."

Ben was soaked and freezing. He flicked his wet hair out of his eyes, with no recollection of why he was in a dark room he didn't recognize, with him almost stripped naked, right in front of Finn who was yelling at some girl he didn't know. He tried to pay attention to what Finn was saying, hoping for some understanding of what was going on. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing to him?! I can call the cops to file a report under your record!!!" Finn screamed at the top of his lungs. He stared down the girl as she started crying. Ben could tell that her tears were fake. 

"I don't know what-" She started to whine, but Finn interrupted her. 

"Shut up!" He screamed, baring his teeth. He frantically looked around. He saw a poster frame hanging up on the wall, and he snatched it down "AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!" He yelled as he threw it at the girl. The frame hit her and she bowled onto the couch. 

Finn looked in Ben's direction. Ben pretended to be unconscious. Finn's eyes softened and he looked back at the girl, starting to flare up again. 

The girl threw the frame off of her and quickly got back up, rolling her shoulders. "You son of a bitch!!!" She screeched as she threw a punch at Finn, hitting him square in the cheek. He grabbed his cheek, looking at the girl in shock. She burst into tears again, hustling out of the room. Finn yelled behind her, "And stay away from him, you filthy slut!!!"

Ben didn't even know where to start. He had so many questions. Ben saw Finn turn to him, with sadness and disappointment in his eyes. Finn walked over to the couch and picked up what Ben assumed were Ben's jeans. Finn tossed the jeans at him, and Ben slipped them on. Finn then say on the corner of the couch closest to Ben, sighing as he looked at him. 

"Do you remember anything?" Finn asked. He shook his head. "Who am I kidding, of course you don't."

Ben gripped the couch's armrest, slowly lifting himself up. "Be more specific."

"Do you remember how you got in this room? Do you remember anything that's happened since we got here?" Finn asked calmly. 

"I can remember you walking me in this house I assume and saying you had to pick up Rey. That's literally all I remember. I have no recollection of how I got in here, or who that girl was or why I was nearly naked." Ben shivered. "Although I can probably put the pieces together." He mumbled. 

"You were drunk, Ben," Finn shook his head, looking away. Finn sighed and looked down back at Ben. "That's all I can tell you right now. You're obviously not in well enough of a state to handle the details that I have to give you." Finn got up, took a blanket from the couch, and placed it on Ben. 

"What are you doing, Finn?" Ben asked. "Whose room is this? Please answer the questions, I have so many. How'd I get drunk? Who was that girl? Am I still a virgin?"

Finn smirked at the last question. "You're a virgin?" He asked, starting to laugh softly. He stopped, and got serious again. "Don't worry man, I am, too. And that is the only question I have the answer to that I can give you now. Yes, you're still a virgin, that girl had not taken off your underwear so you haven't had intercourse." Ben shivered at the thought of him having sex with a girl he was sure he didn't even know. 

"Finn, why won't you answer my other questions?" Ben felt irritated. 

"I already told you. You're not even fully sober yet, the reality of what I'm about to tell you will shock you too much in this state. Me and Rey will tell you as soon as you're sober. But in order to fully become sober, you gotta get some rest. This is my cousin's room: he doesn't mind letting you stay in here. Now, Ben, please, get some rest, even if it's only for the night or something. It's gonna be what's best for all of us. Now I need to go talk to Brendol. He's my cousin's friend, and he seems to know a lot of what happened to you that I don't know. Good night, Ben." Finn started towards the doorway. 

Ben still couldn't formulate what was happening. What happened with Hux? How does he know what happened? Ben hoped he didn't hurt him. He watched Finn go toward the doorway, but then whispered, "Hey, Finn?"

Finn turned around. 

Ben gestured to the door on the ground that had been knocked over from the doorway. "Are you paying for the damages?" Ben asked just out of curiosity. 

Finn looked down at the door, then sighed through his nose and went through the doorway, taking a sharp turn to the right. 

Ben slumped against the wall, playing with his moist raven hair. Finn said he was drunk, and still was a bit. But hat didn't stop Ben from trying to put together the pieces of what had happened to him. 

Because of Ben's intermittent explosive disorder, Ben knew he would never try to drink alcohol. He was pretty bad without it in the first place, he didn't want to imagine what he was like with it. He didn't know how alcohol had gotten into his system, but it was there somehow, and Ben prayed he hadn't hurt anyone he cared about. Especially Rey, Hux or even Finn.

Ben figured out that he was supposedly supposed to sleep in a stranger's room until morning, when he would receive the gruesome story about how he got drunk. Ben wondered why one of his friends wasn't taking him home, but even thinking hurt for him. 

Ben then started to fall asleep still trying to put together the pieces, but still hardly getting anywhere.


	9. Saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So when Ben knocked down the door of the house, he couldn't even hear it. The loud sound of the heavy door hitting the ground. The shocked screams of the people. He walked slowly towards Finn and Poe, both whom were looking at him with shock and horror. The faces of the people matched theirs, but no one looked as shocked and terrified as Finn. When he reached Finn, Ben knew he had started to yell, but he didn't rn now what he was saying. He saw Finn's mouth moving, but no words came out. Poe had his hand around Finn, and he was speaking too, but Ben could hear a word he was saying. He only heard what he wanted to hear, and at that moment, it was nothing. Ben grabbed a wooden chair by the snack table and threw it at the wall. The people by the wall parted like the Red Sea, looking horrified as the chair broke into tiny pieces and littered the ground. If you hadn't seen it before, you wouldn't have known it used to be a chair. Ben then went over to the wall and started to punch it. He could see the obvious splinters on his fist and the bits of wall embedded in his skin as he smashed then wall, and he was bleeding from them. But he didn't feel or care."

Ben wouldn't let himself fall asleep. He knew Finn cares about him, but he wasn't going to fall asleep in the room of someone he didn't even know, with hardly knowing any background information except for he knew he used to be drunk. 

He didn't want for Finn or Rey to see him go downstairs, so Ben looked for another escape plan to get back into the party to see if he'd hurt anyone while he was drunk. He would only stay at the party long enough to check to see if he'd hurt anyone, but not long enough that Finn or Rey would see him. Ben knew it was a crazy plan, but he looked out the window. 

It wasn't a long drop down. Ben assumed that if he jumped on top of the lower roof, tiptoed over to his left and jumped down, he would be able to get off the house and right next to the door without being seen or heard, and he wouldn't hurt himself.

Ben unlocked the bottom part of the window and pushed it open. He felt the cold breeze in his face as he pushed his wet hair back once again, it was making him freeze. He looked down to see the flat lower roof around 2 yards below him, so he jumped and landed on the roof as softly as he could. Putting aside the circumstances of the moment, Ben thought about how pissed off Rey would be if she saw him doing this at first, and then she would probably forget about her good-girl side and help Ben get off the roof, laughing as she chastised him. But regarding the circumstances of the moment, Ben just felt sad thinking about Rey and what she'd think if she saw him doing this. 

Ben slid against the wall to the left side of the building, watching his feet and hoping they weren't too loud. The people inside the house probably couldn't hear him over the music and partying, anyway. 

Ben leaned over and looked down. It was also a safe jump, so he leaped off the building and landed on his feet. He glanced to his right to see the door, heating all the commotion and hubbub inside the house. 

Ben bent and tiptoed over to the kick in the door, making sure no one could see him through the door's window. He pulled on the lock. To Ben's surprise, it was locked. Ben had figured that it would be open because there was a party after all, and all the parties that Ben had been to in the last had the front door open so people could get in even after the party started (if they went back to their dorm and came back). Maybe things changed in college for that regard too. 

Anyway, Ben checked underneath the welcome mat to check if the drama department had put the key under there. They hadn't. Ben then resorted to his final backup plan: he was going to try and signal someone to open the door for him (hoping Finn or Rey wouldn't notice, Poe either, if he was involved in it). 

Ben peeked into the window, tapping it lightly hoping to catch someone's attention. Everyone continued to mingle and dance, but nobody saw Ben. He looked around, seeing if he could make eye contact with someone. 

After looking around for a bit, Ben noticed Finn sitting on the couch, grinning widely. He was clearly talking to someone, and Ben looked to see who it was. It was Poe, smiling back at Finn and laughing at something he said. 

Ben smiled at what he was seeing. Finn had heed his advice, gotten the confidence to talk to Poe, and to Ben, everything seemed to be going smoothly. Ben was proud of Finn's work (and Ben's advice to him). 

Suddenly, Ben felt like he'd had a revelation. He wondered, 'Why was Finn talking to Poe having a good ol' time when I'm supposedly upstairs halfway sober, having no context of why I'm forced to sleep in the room of someone I don't know? He thinks it's all shits and giggles.' Ben could feel himself getting angry. He couldn't control it any day, especially today when he hadn't taken his meds. Another part of Ben's mind told him, 'Ben Solo, control your anger. This isn't Finn's fault, he knew you were safe, and he just wanted to use your advice some time at the party and talk to Poe. It's not like he's purposely leaving you out.' But that part of Ben's mind was drowned out by his anger, and Ben decided to take action on his other thoughts. 

Whenever Ben had an emotional breakdown, he didn't have physical control of what he was doing. The anger in his mind would overweigh the sensors in his brain and cloud his thinking. It was almost like how a werewolf works, when it turns into a wolf, it hurts and destroys things but when turned back into a person, it would have no memory of ever hurting or destroying anything. That was how Ben's anger worked as well. 

So when Ben knocked down the door of the house, he couldn't even hear it. The loud sound of the heavy door hitting the ground. The shocked screams of the people. He walked slowly towards Finn and Poe, both whom were looking at him with shock and horror. The faces of the people matched theirs, but no one looked as shocked and terrified as Finn. When he reached Finn, Ben knew he had started to yell, but he didn't rn now what he was saying. He saw Finn's mouth moving, but no words came out. Poe had his hand around Finn, and he was speaking too, but Ben could hear a word he was saying. He only heard what he wanted to hear, and at that moment, it was nothing. Ben grabbed a wooden chair by the snack table and threw it at the wall. The people by the wall parted like the Red Sea, looking horrified as the chair broke into tiny pieces and littered the ground. If you hadn't seen it before, you wouldn't have known it used to be a chair. Ben then went over to the wall and started to punch it. He could see the obvious splinters on his fist and the bits of wall embedded in his skin as he smashed then wall, and he was bleeding from them. But he didn't feel or care. 

All of a sudden, Ben felt a pair of familiar hands grab his shoulders. Except this time, instead of being a warm embrace as he usually identified those hands with, the touch of the person's hands felt panicked and shaky. Ben swiveled around, breathing heavily. 

It was Rey, standing right in front of him with her hands reaching up grasping Ben's shoulders. She was looking him straight in his eyes, tears running down her pink cheeks, looking just as terrified as Finn. She screamed at him with fear, but like the others, no words came out of her mouth. Ben's anger was still just as full-fledged as ever, and he tossed Rey to the ground so she could be out of his way. Poe and Finn stood up right away, and Ben could see that they were yelling, terror written all over their faces. Poe rushed over to Rey to check if she was ok, and Ben ran over back to the snack table to get another wooden chair. He had Finn in his sight. 

Ben lifted up the chair and pointed it at Finn threateningly. Finn stood right where he was, shrinking down front e fear and looking like he was about to dart away from Ben. Before he had the chance to do that, Ben ran at him. Ben knew how fast he could run (he was on the track team in his senior year of high school), but to him, everything seemed like it was in slow-motion. 

He was charging Finn with a wooden chair. Finn was looking around frantically. The people had their mouth open wide, screaming. Rey was on the ground, wincing, closing her eyes and holding her hand to her forehead (so she had no idea what Ben was doing at that moment). Poe had his arms around Rey, and was screaming in Finn and Ben's direction. Then, all of a sudden, someone came out of no where and tackled him around his side, knocking him to the ground. Ben felt his hip hit the ground, then his arm and his head. The person's body lay on him for a moment, then quickly got off. 

Ben could feel again. He had all of his senses back. He could hear the music still playing, and he could hear several girls crying. He was too weak to try and get up, and he felt like he had a concussion. He felt himself blacking out quickly, and the last thing he saw was a familiar redhead with freckles, his green eyes looking down at him with sadness. Hux. Ben used the last of his waking energy to try and reach out to Hux, but his arm collapsed and he saw everything go black.


	10. "I Almost Got Laid."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hux turned around to face Ben one more time, laughing lightly again. "Ben, love," Hux started, smiling brightly. "The last time a girl looked at me the way you do, I almost got laid. I'll see you when you wake up. Have a good rest, Ben." Hux slipped out the door, leaving Ben shocked for what felt like the thousandth time."

"Yeah Finn, don't worry about it. My dad will cover all the expenses for the repair of the two doors. He'll also be replacing the chairs and he'll hire someone to fix the hole in the wall." Hux said. 

Ben opened his eyes slowly, nearly blinded by the sharp light. He was wrapped in grey sheets and was facing the window. He was in someone's bed. He looked down. Same clothes as he was wearing last night.

Ben didn't know where to start. He couldn't even think straight. He reached his hands up to wipe the sleep out of his eyes, but he felt a sharp cut. He looked at his hands in shock. There were bits of glass and tile and wood in the knuckles of both his hands, both traveling all the way up to his elbows. Ben was horrifyingly shocked. 

Since he heard Hux talking to someone, he peeked through the top of the sheets. There, at the doorway, he saw Hux wearing nothing but a muscle shirt and sweatpants. Hux wasn't all that toned, but the appearance was still hot, nonetheless. 'Damn', Ben thought. Ben turned to see who he was talking to. 

"Ok, Brendol." Ben saw Finn say. Ben saw Finn glare over at Ben quickly, not knowing he was awake. Ben quickly closed his eyes. Finn turned back to face Hux . 

"I just don't know why he would tell you all of that and not tell me." Finn said sadly. "I mean, I hope he was going to tell me soon, it's a shame that I found out about his anger issues through this whole episode. I hope me and Rey have it in us to forgive him." Ben heard 2 pairs of footsteps retreat, so Ben knew he was in Hux's room alone (or he assumed it was Hux's room).  

Ben remembered having an emotional breakdown last night, but he couldn't remember what triggered it. He hoped that Hux or Finn would come back into the room and explain everything to him, because he was tired of trying to figure it all out himself. He was drunk last night... he wouldn't remember anything. He just remembered shoving Rey, and he prayed that he didn't hurt her. 

Ben could smell bacon frying downstairs. He wanted to get out of bed to see what and who was cooking but he was too tired to get up. He wasn't sure if he needed a doctor or not either... the materials in his arms could be giving him an infection or something, but Ben hoped not. 

He heard footsteps approaching, and he knew that Hux was coming. Ben opened his eyes as he saw Hux walk through the doorway, holding a serving tray with 2 plates on it. One of them had a few slices of pepper bacon, scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach, and 2 slices of brown toast. The other had a couple cuts of medium warm butter.

"I know you're awake." Hux said. Ben felt his weight land on the foot of the bed. Ben pushed himself to sit up in bed, staring at the array Hux had brought him. He looked at Hux. "Why are you doing this?" He asked. 

Hux stared into Ben's eyes, pushing Ben's raven hair out of his face. "You've noticed the splinters in your skin, yes?"

Ben looked at his hands and arms again, nodding.

Hux said. "I'm going to get them out for you after you eat this. Then, I'm going to test you if you have an infection by just pressing on your arm and asking you questions. But let's not worry about that now. You should eat."

Ben could feel Hux's eyes on him as he picked up a piece of bacon and tore a piece off of it, putting it in his mouth. Ben wondered if he should ask Hux what happened. He did try to ask Finn last night and Finn wouldn't tell him, maybe Hux would be the same. 

"Hey, Brendol," Ben started. "Can I ask you-"

"Yes, you can. You're probably well enough to take it right now, and you're sober. 

"So last night, I took you away from the party and up to my room to talk. You told me a lot: about your issues with your mum, your depression and intermittent explosive disorder, about your girlfriend.. not much about her though." Hux swallowed. "And then I asked you about your sexuality. I don't even know why I did it, it just felt like... I don't know. The conversation was slowing down, and I wanted it to pick up again, I liked talking to you. 

"Anyway, you said you were straight and the question seemed too awkward for you to continue the conversation, so you freaked out and left the room. That's all that I experienced. But here's what your friend Finn told me.

"He said that you were drinking the vodka punch downstairs and you didn't know that it had alcohol in it. Finn said he forgot to tell you, but most upperclassmen know about our infamous party vodka punch. Then he said that you were about to have drunk sex with that local campus slut in Finn's cousin's room, I don't know her name, but everyone knows that she's a slut, and Finn burst in and threw water on you. You got mostly sober, and Finn got the slut away from you and he left you to sleep in his cousin's room until morning, when you were sober enough to hear the truth about what happened to you.

"That would've went according to plan if you hadn't snuck out through the window and back into the party. All I saw was you, looking like you were possessed or something and you were about to attack Finn with a chair. I saw this girl on the ground next to Poe, your cousin I assume? Anyway, I had to literally tackle you to the ground to keep you from hurting Finn. And that's about all I know.

"Finn didn't want anything to do with you. He thought you were crazy and he was about to call the cops. So I told him about your medical anger issues, and he softened, but I'm pretty sure he's still pissed. You scared the shit out of him. That wasn't wise, Ben. I know that a disorder mightn't be something you can really control, but still. You should've tried to stay calm and not flip your lid on your friend and your cousin."

Ben had eaten all the bacon while Hux was speaking to him, and he started eating the eggs. He thought for a little while, taking it all in. He'd had another breakdown last night, hurting both his new best friend and his cousin. Everyone at the party saw him, and now he was probably the campus crazy. He didn't even want to start thinking about the sex he almost had last night. Somehow, he believed everything that Hux was saying. After all, why would he lie to him about that kind of thing?

"Oh my god," Ben ran his fingers through his hair and buried his face in his palms. "Brendol, what do I do? I mean, last night I didn't even know what I was doing, and then I hurt Rey and Finn... my god, I feel so guilty-" Ben was speaking rapidly, but Hux cut him off. 

"Shhhh..." He shushed Ben. "You're right, you did not know what you were doing, but yes, you should still feel guilty at the same time. But don't beat yourself up about it. I personally don't wanna hear you whine, no offense to you."

"Brendol! How do I make up with Finn first, to get him to forgive me?"

"Why aren't you focusing on Rey first? She should be your main focus, she is family after all."

"I know that. It's just that... Rey will always forgive me. Just like you said, she's family and family always forgives one another."

"Touché." Brendol stood up, smoothing down his clothes. "You should finish eating breakfast first, take a nap, get some R and R. But before you do that, let me take out your splinters. When you're done getting some rest, I'll give you an idea to get things right with Finn again." Hux left the room, leaving Ben to finish eating his eggs and toast. Hux came back with a splinter remover and a sanitizing wipe. He sat down on the bed again, telling Ben to put out his arm. 

"You're going to feel a little pain, but not much. Just let me wipe your arm down with this and I'll get rid of the bits of wood and wall." Hux did what he said, wiping Ben's arm with the sanitizing wipe and plucking the splinters out. Ben winced, feeling the pain of the splinter being removed from his arms and hands along with the sting of the alcohol in the wipe. Once Hux was done, he wiped down Ben's arms and hands one more time. 

"Now that those things are our, it shouldn't hurt for much longer now. Good thing you don't have any huge scars. Your arms should be taken care of now."

Ben nodded. "You act as though you've been doing this for a long time."

"Oh. Well, when I was younger and my parents would be out of the house filming movies and such, I would live with my uncle. He worked at a quarry, and he would let me stay with him at work after school. When I finished my homework, he would sometimes let me do minor things with him that had nothing to do with his work, like shaping wooden blocks into animal shapes and using a small hammer to pound nails into a homework desk he was making for me. Well, I would sometimes get splinters in my fingers while doing that, and being a little kid and all, I would cry because I felt like I'd failed. But then my uncle would comfort me, saying that stuff like that would happen all the time at the quarry to the other workers and the pain would help me grow into a man. It sounds ridiculous saying this right now out loud to someone, but my uncle was a real inspiration to me as a little kid. He still is, in a way. He died 2 years ago, and I think about him everyday. I never told anyone that, you know." Hux stopped talking and twiddled his thumbs. "Oh, but I didn't answer your question. When I got the splinters, my uncle would patch them up for me the same way that I patched up yours. I watched him do it so many times than I eventually learned how to do it. So I guess I have been doing this for a long time." Hux lightly laughed. "Does anything hurt or sting? There's no redness. If there's no pain, then you don't have an infection."

"No, there's no pain, thank God. And I'm sorry about your uncle, Brendol." Ben said. "Thanks for telling me that." 

Hux breathed out through his nose. "No problem, Ben. You opened up to me, I'll open up to you."

"Brendol? Speaking about family, how's Rey doing?"

"Oh. Finn just told me that she's totally fine, but she's really ticked off at you. But like you said, she'll forgive you, won't she?"

"I hope." Ben was upset at himself. He wasn't feeling angry at what he'd done, but sad that it happened. 

"She will. I'll help you make up with both her and Finn. One other thing, we should do it sometime before 10-ish, because the sorority guys will probably get mad that I'm keeping you up here. People who are not in the drama sorority can't stay in this house, so technically I'm breaking the rules. Snoke's rules, I'm sorry, Ben. I promise."

"Well ok, Brendol. I hope Rey forgives me when I do this thing you'll tell me to do later. I don't remember what she's like when she's angry, and if I've seen it before, I probably forgot it for a reason. I don't want to face her while she's still pissed at me."

"Understandable. But Ben, can I ask you one more thing before I leave? Well, more like tell you?"

"Sure, I guess so."

"I'm pretty certain you're not completely straight to be honest. Are you bi? I feel so terrible for asking this... but I just want to know."

"I'll be honest with you: I'm questioning my sexuality right now, and I have been since I broke up with my girlfriend this summer. How do you know this though? Do I have like, some sort of characteristics that gay people have or something?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I was just wondering. Why would you tell me you're straight though, like you did last night? Why couldn't you just be honest with me?"

"I don't remember ever telling you that I was straight last night, remember? I was drunk, and I lost lost f my memory of last night after I got sober. I was probably... nervous talking to you, you know. But now, after taking to you, even though we've known each other for such little time, I sorta feel like I can trust you, Brendol."

"And I feel like I can trust you, Ben. It feels good to have someone you can talk to like this. That's something I haven't had in a long time." Hux stood up, took away Ben's breakfast plates and made his way toward the door. "Have a nice rest, Ben." He was about to leave, but Ben stopped him. 

"Wait, Brendol, you still haven't answered my question. How could you know that I wasn't completely straight if I don't, like, show it, apparently? It just seems a bit confusing to me." Ben started to blush. 

Hux turned around to face Ben one more time, laughing lightly again. "Ben, love," Hux started, smiling brightly. "The last time a girl looked at me the way you do, I almost got laid. I'll see you when you wake up. Have a good rest, Ben." Hux slipped out the door, leaving Ben shocked for what felt like the thousandth time.  
\----------------------------------------------  
END OF PART ONE  
\----------------------------------------------


	11. Caring, Forgiveness and Fricassee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben was getting tired of Hux always leaving him in shocked surprise. 
> 
> But he loved it.

BEGINNING OF PART 2

Ben rolled over and checked Hux's digital clock on the nightstand. '6:13' it read. 

Ben sat up in bed and stretched his back and arms, yawning. He patted down his raven black hair, wild from rolling around on the pillow. Then he threw off the covers and stood up on the left side of the bed. He decided he'd start to make Hux's bed. It was the best he could do for him, since Hux had literally let him spend the night and the evening in his bed, remove his splinters and make him breakfast. Hux was a saint, and it only made Ben like him even more. 

"Ben," Ben heard Hux whisper as he lightly pushed the door open. He popped his head in. "You awake?" Hux noticed that Ben wasn't in bed, and he looked down to see him folding the mattress cover at the foot of the bed. Hux chuckled. "Oh, you don't have to do that." He walked over to Ben, smiling. Ben stood up, feeling a shiver down his spine as he saw those shiny perfect white teeth once more. 

"How you feeling?" Hux leaned towards Ben on the balls of his feet. He took the mattress cover out of Ben's hand and threw it on the bed. "I can't believe you were making my bed, Ben. I appreciate it but..." Hux began to chuckle again, glancing at his bed then looking back at Ben. "You're my priority, not vice versa."

Ben didn't know what to say to that. He felt really... touched was the word he would use. Hux cared for him, and although it wasn't in a romantic way, it was a start. "I'm feeling ok, I guess," Ben replied, rubbing his eyes. "I just woke up."

Hux sighed, with regret, Ben thought it was, as he flicked a stray lock of red hair out oh his face. "Ugh, if I knew you were awake, I would've brought you tea. Making tea in this place takes like hours because our machine's broken and we all agreed not to spend sorority money on unnecessary appliances."

"Oh, you wouldn't have had to do that. And how is a tea maker not a necessary appliance?"

Hux laughed adorably, making Ben laugh along. Their laughter slowed down then stopped altogether, and Ben found himself looking into those beautiful green eyes again. He knew he would never get tired of it. "So," Ben started, sitting on the foot of the bed. He decided he'd change the subject. "Do you have any advice for me about Finn and Rey?"

"Oh," Hux said, sounding slightly disarmed. He sat on the bed, right next to Ben. Looking around at his room, Hux said, "This is the same way we sat last night at the party, Ben."

Ben wished that Hux would stop mentioning that damned party. That party was when he lost his 2 best friends, but he was excited he'd get them back. Maybe the time when he and Hux were talking meant more to Hux than he thought it would, and Ben wished he knew why. Ben thought that was the case, at least, but he believed that maybe that was his hope getting the best of him. 

Hux shook his head, then looked at Ben. "Ok," He started, turning his body to face Ben, his legs dangling off the side of the bed. "In short, the best thing you could do is beg them to forgive you and try your best to promise you won't flip out on them again. Yeah, I know you don't have control over it but still, tell them that and do it. Try your best to control your anger."

Ben was surprised at what he was being asked to do. "Ben Solo does not beg." He stated simply and calmly. "As for my disorder, you said it yourself, I'm out-"

"I never said you were out of control." Hux said firmly. He rested his smooth, lithe hand upon Ben's big, awkward one. Ben breathed in through his mouth and out through his nose. Hux continued, "Ben, I'm not saying you need to not be angry. That is something I know no one can help. I am just saying that you should start to not let your anger show to people, which eventually, should get rid if the anger overall. You're on medication, right?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

Hux shifted his body to the opposite side. "Yeah, that should definitely help. Along with all the things I just told you, of course."

Ben felt thankful to Hux, but slightly violated. How could Hux possibly know more about his behavior than he did? Ben asked him, and Hux said, "Neuroscience. Both my parents majored in it, and they have it for a job. They know all about stuff like this, they talk about it all the time for work." Hux said in a monotone voice, like he'd said those words before. 

"And as for begging, Ben, let me use a better word. Request. You need to request Finn and Rey's friendship back, and if you do it correctly, they'll give it back to you. And the correct way is to try to guarantee the control of your outwards anger. It's the only way." Hux spoke like he was talking from experience. Maybe he was. 

Ben looked up from the ground and turned his head, smiling and nodding at Hux. "Thanks, Brendol." He said warmly. Hux smiled and nodded once at Ben, starting to get up. 

"They should be able to understand why you couldn't apologize in person to them at this time. They both know you're here, resting." Hux started to leave. "I'm going downstairs to fetch your phone. You should just call them both individually for now, but when you get home later, you should repeat your apology to both of them." Hux left the room, and Ben sighed at the remembrance of the fact that he'd need to go back to his dorm later. He hoped he would be able to make everything alright before then.

Hux came back with Ben's phone, handed it to him and left again, wishing him luck as he slipped out the door. Ben called Finn, listening to the ringing as he anxiously waited for him to pick up. 

Finally he answered, speaking first. "Brendol? You took his phone? Do you know when he's coming home, if he is?" His voice sounded raspy over Ben's old iPhone 4. 

Ben didn't know how to respond. He didn't know how to just say it was him to Finn. Finn said, "Whoever's there, I can here you breathing. Whoever has Ben's phone, give it to the lost and found office. I'm hanging up now."

"Wait! Finn, it's me." Ben found himself quickly saying. "It's Ben."

"Oh my god," Finn groaned, after a short amount of silence. "What could you possibly want? I can tell you what you need: a therapist."

'Was that supposed to be an insult?' Ben thought. He shook his head and said, "Okay Finn, I'm apologizing. For my behavior last night, for getting drunk, for hurting Rey and you. I'm really sorry."

"I'm sorry, too, Ben. But sorry isn't going to be able to cut it. You can't just say it, you've gotta show it."

"Finn, how the hell do I show you I'm sorry if I don't even feel comfortable enough to go back to my own dorm?!"

"First of all, you could show that you're sorry by staying calm. You're not gonna be getting anywhere by yelling at me. Second of all, I'll see you at school tomorrow, and then you'll see Rey sometime soon. You can show us then or something like that. But anyway, where are you now? Still at Brendol's?"

"Yeah."

"How do you and Brendol know each other?"

"Drama class." Ben answered honestly.   
Like hell if he was going to tell Finn about his feelings for Hux. Especially considering the circumstances.

Finn sighed. "He's a great friend to you." He stated simply. 

"Yeah, he is."

"You're lucky to have him, Ben. Like, even after everything he saw, he still agrees to take care of you. Like if it were me, I'd laugh and say, 'hell no'."

Finn's words hurt. Ben shook it off, saying firmly, "You know it's not just you, Finn. I've been suffering, too."

"How have you been suffering? Honestly, Ben."

"I know you know about my intermittent explosive disorder. I heard Brendol telling you this morning. So don't act like it's just you going through something, because frankly, you have hardly experienced anything." Ben's voice had gotten loud again. When he became aware, he sighed, feeling guilty again. 

The other end of the phone was deadly silent for a couple seconds. Then Ben heard Finn's voice again, this time dangerously low. "You know nothing about me," Finn hissed, almost making Ben squirm. "What I've been through, what I've done, seen, heard- you know absolutely nothing. And acting like you do know isn't going to give you any more knowledge about me. So drop the act."

"Okay, okay, Christ, Finn." Ben lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. Just please, give me a second chance. I have a medical condition that I can't control, but Brendol is teaching me how to control it. I'll get better. Please forgive me."

"I can understand a medical condition. And now that I know that you're not a ridiculously insane, anger-driven sociopath, I can forgive you."

Ben sighed with relief. But he knew that it wasn't over. Finn's forgiveness was not even half of the apology process and finds attempt to making things right. It was Rey he had to worry about now, he knew it. 

He thanked Finn as much as he could , then told him not to hang up. He muted Finn's call and started to dial Rey. He waited for her to answer. 

"Benjamin fucking Solo!!" Was the first thin Ben heard Rey say, screaming at him so loudly that Ben pulled the phone away, covering his ears. 

"Rey Skywalker!!" He whisper-shouted into the phone, speaking into the sound holes. 

"Don't fucking interrupt me! What nerve you have calling me after the events of last night! You could have killed me!!"

"Don't be so dramatic. I couldn't have killed you for the first part, this we both know, I don't know how to fight. I can't control my condition, you know that. I've been a victim of it for years."

Ben could sense that Rey was calming down. Rey then said, "Well, first of all, being the taller of the 2 of us, you could easily overpower me. Second of all, what you said is true, I'll give you that. But I'm calling Auntie Leia. She'll definitely be hearing about this."

Ben gasped. "Holy shit, Rey! Please. Please don't tell my mother. She'll send me straight back home!"

"Maybe that's what you need, Ben. A home education. With this condition-" Rey was still talking, but Ben switched calls back to Finn. 

"Go over to my place, quick."

"Why?" Finn asked. 

"Rey's going to tell my mum about what happened last night. She's gonna freak and take me home from college. Now quick, go, please!!"

Ben switched the calls back to Rey. He felt like he was going to scream. "Rey, please." He begged, panting. He reached his hand up to his forehead to feel that it was warm, and sweat beads were collecting by his hairline. 

"What reason do I have not to tell her?!" Rey yelled. "She's your mother, and the both of you have such a terrible relationship that it's hurting me, Ben!!! It's been hurting me for a long time, but I didn't tell you until now! Maybe, if you went home, you guys would become closer or something-"

"Bullshit!" Ben hissed. "You honestly think things would get better if she took me out of college? No! Things would get so much worse! I won't deal with her anymore, and you won't have to deal with whatever pain you're in. You don't get it Rey, that bastard Han Solo left me and then-"

"That bastard is my uncle and your father." Rey said slowly. She paused for a couple seconds. "Oh, Finn is here. I'm letting him in for a little while. But I'm going to tell your mother, just watch me, Ben. I'll fix this family feud once and for all." Rey hung up. 

Ben screamed, pitching his phone across the room. He stood up, breathing heavily. Hux burst open the door, running to Ben's side. 

"Ben, Ben, listen to me!!" Ben felt Hux's hands on his right shoulder, and Ben turned his head to look down at him. He was staring up and Ben with fear in his eyes, begging him to calm down. So Ben did, softening his body and sitting back down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. Hux sat down with him, putting his hand on Ben's middle back. 

Hux led Ben back to the bed and they sat down at the end. Hux's other hand stroked Ben's hair. "It didn't work, did it?" He asked softly. 

Ben raised his head from his hands and looked over at Hux. Ben could feel tears welling up in his eyes. They surfaced, making them apparent in the corners of Ben's eyes. 

"It's ok to cry." Hux said. Ben sniffed, and Hux started to stroke his hair again with his left hand, squeezing Ben's right hand with his right. "It doesn't make you any less of a man."

Ben sniffed again, wiping the tears out of the corners of his eyes with his left pointer finger. "No it's not," He said. "And yes it does."

"No, no, it's totally ok to cry, Ben, trust me. Everyone has to at some point." Hux was whispering, his face close to Ben's. Their eyes locked for a moment, but Ben looked away. 

"I don't need to cry." Ben said. 

Hux put a warm hand in Ben's cheek, turning his head to face him. Hux's green eyes were focused in Ben's brown ones, unmoving. "Ben, I look at you," Hux started, his eyes beginning to move over his face. "I look at you and I see a young man who is unsure of himself, who's scared, who's in pain and can't voice how he's feeling. Out of fear. Am I right?"

'Yes,' Ben thought. 'About everything.' Ben nodded. "How do you know that?"

"I'm not a physic, Ben, but I can see into you and this is what I see. And then I'm also basing your feelings off of what you told me about your disorder and your family." 

Ben squeezed his eyes shut, and the tears came out. He choked out a sob, and next thing he knew, he was in Hux's arms, leaning against his medium-sized chest. 

Ben couldn't stop sniffing, and he couldn't end the tears. They were streaming off his face and onto Hux's wrists, streaking down his lower arms. Hux held Ben, slowly wiping his tears away. "Shhh..." He hushed Ben. He hugged him tightly. 

Hux let go of Ben, allowing him to sit up and wipe the rest of the tears away. Ben saw Hux get up, grab a box of Kleenex from the nightstand and hand them to Ben. He took 1, blowing and wiping his nose. Hux sat back down and out his hand on Ben's back again. 

Ben heard a faint ringing. It was his phone, in the corner of the room where he had thrown it. Hux got up and picked it up for him, handing it to him. Ben checked the caller. Rey. 

Ben looked up at Hux, mouthing Rey's name to him. Hux raised his eyes and nodded, mouthing 'good luck' to him as he left again. Ben answered the call. 

"Well," Rey started, her voice monotone. "Finn stopped by to visit me. He brought over a movie. We were about to start it but then he mentioned you. Said he was worried about you and he'd forgiven you and he hoped that you were okay. I told him you called just now and I was 'bout to call your mother and tell her what happened last night. He said that you'd die if that happened and that I should try to understand you and give you a second chance. So that's what I'm doing. And I'm not calling Auntie Leia."

"Oh my god," Ben said happily. All the stress was finally over. "Thank you, thank you, Rey, you don't even know-"

"But, Ben, if you have another breakdown, I'm going to tell her. That's not gonna change. But that seems sorta unlikely because Finn told me that Brendol is teaching you how to control it. How's that going?"

"He hadn't really started yet."

"Brendol is a really good friend to you, Ben. And for the record, I was always going to forgive you eventually. We're family, Ben, nothing is ever going to change that.

"So do we have a deal?"

"Yeah," Ben said, smiling. "No telling my mum if there're no breakdowns. Got it."

Rey laughed. "Benny, when are you going to come home?" 

Ben smiled again at Rey calling him Benny once again. He wouldn't ever tell her, but he loved it. No one else was allowed to call him that, it was a thing specific to only him and her. Ben checked the time. It was a quarter past 7. "I'll probably be there around 7:45-ish." Since Rey had forgiven him and everything was alright again, Ben couldn't wait to go back to his dorm and watch a movie with her and Finn. But he also didn't want to leave Hux. Not yet.

"Ok, bye, Benny! See you in a few! Say goodbye and thanks to Brendol for me!" Rey hung up the phone. Ben quickly texted Finn a "thank you" and the thumbs up emoji, then turned off his phone and went downstairs. 

He walked down the stairs and turned right into the kitchen, where he saw Hux with his back turned to him, slightly leaning over a pot on a stove. Hux must have heard him because he turned around, smiling at Ben. "How'd it go now?"

Ben smiled back. "Both have forgiven me. And I feel comfortable enough to go back to my dorm now." Ben walked up to Hux. "Brendol, there aren't enough ways to say thank you so, so much for this."

"You don't need to thank me. Honestly, it was my pleasure." Hux looked back at the stove. "Oh, I was just cooking salmon fricassee for dinner, but you're not staying, are you?"

Ben tilted his head to look around Hux. He peered inside the pot and saw what looked like stew with white sauce. "It looks really good." Ben said honestly. "Is it possible that I can take some home?"

"Yeah, yeah, definitely. Just lemme get a to-go container thing." Hux walked over to the cabinets. 

Ben asked, "What's fricassee?"

"Oh! It's a French food that's usually made with chicken and vegetables and white sauce. But I'm on a vegetarian diet for a month so I substituted chicken with salmon." Hux scooped up a couple ladlefuls of fricassee into the plastic container, closed it and handed it to Ben. 

Ben took the container, thanking Hux. "But isn't it a rule that you shouldn't be eating any meat if you're going vegetarian? Even for a little while?"

"No, actually you just can't eat animals with legs. So that limits it to seafood." Hux and Ben walked to the door. Hux took his cream varsity jacket off the coat rack, offering it to Ben. "Hey I know it's a like, 2 block's walk, but here, have my jacket. It's a bit chilly outside."

Ben smiled with gratitude. "No, Brendol I can't take your jacket. I'd be most likely to forget it anyway."

"Well, ok then. At least let me walk you or drive you or something."

Ben appreciated the fact that he was going to spend more alone time with Hux, but didn't want to seem desperate, so he replied, "Sure, if you wish." Hux chuckled, throwing on his jacket and opening the door for Ben. 

As they walked down the sidewalk, Ben thought about what he and Hux were now. He decided that they were in that weird area that meant they were definitely not dating, but definitely more than acquaintances or friends. Ben still had the same feelings of affection for Hux, so he appreciated the way things were between them now. But he still wanted more, though he didn't know if Hux's feelings were mutual. 

They'd talked about how Hux's mother had taught him how to cook complex meals like fricassee since 10 years old, and he'd never forgotten how to cook since he always cooked for his family and when he went to college, for the drama sorority. They finally went upstairs and reached the door to Ben's dorm. He could hear Rey and Finn chatting from the other side of the door. 

Ben turned to Hux. "I can't wait to go take a shower... I'm not used to not bathing for this long." He laughed, and Hux laughed along. 

"It's only 2 days. I was a Boy Scout when I was young and we went camping, didn't shower for 5 days." Hux said. Ben started to lightly laugh again. 

"So will I see you in 7th period tomorrow?" Hux asked. 

Ben raised an eyebrow at Hux, smirking. "As always." He changed his smirk to a smile, leaving the last memory of Hux and him that day on a positive note. 

Ben turned to leave when Hux grabbed his arm. Ben gasped lightly with surprise, turning back to Hux. He looked into Hux's eyes. 

They were locked for a moment, but the Hux broke the eye contact by grabbing the edge of Ben's flannel and reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. His kiss was soft, light and short, but still the best thing that had happened to Ben in the 2 short weeks he'd been a college student. They made eye contact for a last time, and Ben could see in Hux's eyes that he enjoyed what he'd just done, even though it wasn't much. Ben could tell that all just from the look in his eyes, but to Ben, the kiss on his cheek was a huge deal. Hux broke off the eye contact again by letting go of Ben's flannel, turning around while pulling up his jacket and walking down the hallway to the stairwell. 

Ben was getting tired of Hux always leaving him in shocked surprise. 

But he loved it.


	12. Finn and Poe Are Definitely "a Thing"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "-and then he asked me to be his boyfriend." Finn finished, smiling.

Trying to erase most of the grin on his face caused by what just happened, Ben knocked on the door. Finn soon answered, lightly smiling at Ben as he came in. 

"Hey, just letting you know," Finn whispered, leaning in towards Ben. "Rey still wants to talk to you. About stuff you apparently said to her on you guys's phone call, that's what she told me. Good luck." Finn patted Ben on the back as they both went back in. Ben mouthed his thanks to Finn. Ben found himself facing Rey on the couch as Finn turned the corner into the bathroom. 

She was slumped over on the couch, her feet splayed out in front of her, and she was folding her arms. She noticed Ben standing in front of her and straightened herself out. "Hi, Benny."

Ben sighed. "Why are we going back to what I said?" He asked. He knew that Rey was going to talk to him about his father. 

Rey mock-shrugged. "I just don't know why you hate him so much. And your mother."

Ben couldn't believe that she'd just said that. He walked up to the couch and sat on the opposite end. Facing Rey, he started to shake his head. "Rey, neither of my parents spent any time with me as a kid and then Han Solo left me when I still needed him. I was a teenage boy, isn't that the age when they need their fathers the most?" 

"Ben, they were having issues in their marriage that neither of them seemed to care enough to resolve, so they separated. And then your mum kept you instead of having you go with Uncle Han because she loves you."

Ben looked down, shaking his head. "Something so typical of you to say, Rey. You're an optimist, I'm a realist. My father left me, and now doesn't want anything to do with me. Neither of them even called me on my 1st day of college-"

Rey raised her voice. "Your father called you several times during the holiday but you were so caught up in yourself, you never picked up the darned phone! And then your mum told me you broke the steering wheel off her car the day before school. She was probably pissed for a little while. But like I said before, she is family, and all family forgive each other." Rey calmed down, sighing and looking away from Ben. 

"Rey. Will you please stop saying that?" Ben leaned back, running his fingers through his hair. He looked at the TV screen. "What are you and Finn watching?" He smiled lightly, trying to change the subject, but Rey caught on. 

"Ben. Don't change the subject, we are not done talking about this." Rey spoke firmly. 

Ben rolled his eyes, something he didn't do often. "What other questions do you have...?" He sighed again. 

Rey opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then closed it and looked deep in thought. "Just try to get along with your mother, ok?"

"Ok." Ben said simply. He decided he would do that by not talking to her. 

"And another thing, about Brendol? Did you guys..." She grinned wickedly, Ben knew where she was going and started to frown. "...do anything?" She began to giggle. 

"Oh my god," Ben stood up, heading for his backpack in the dining area. "You're like an actual 5-year-old." He walked past the bathroom, shouting, "You can come out now, Finn!" 

Ben went into the kitchen and grabbed his backpack. As he started to take out his schoolwork laptop, he heard the door to the bathroom click open and footsteps start to make their way to the kitchen. He pulled up his (completed, thank God) literary essay on the computer and copy-and-pasted it into his English teacher's assessment Dropbox. Very lucky, too, in 15 minutes it would've been late, and Ben knew that professors didn't accept high school-level shit like turning in an essay late. Right after he did that, he turned around to see Finn standing at the doorway, leaning on his left side, picking at his nails. 

Ben spun around in his chair, facing Finn. Finn looked up. "How long were you standing there?" Ben asked. 

Finn shrugged, striding over to the dining table where Ben was and sitting in the chair opposite to Ben's. "I just got here now, I saw you typing and I guess I was going to leave but then you turned around." Finn started to drum his fingers on the table. "So Ben, is there anything going on with you and Brendol?" He asked quickly, smirking  a bit at Ben when he noticed the disarmed look on Ben's face. 

"Rey just asked me the same damn question." Ben said, and then Rey yelled both their names from the bedroom. "One minute, Rey, don't resume the movie!!" Ben yelled. He turned back to Finn. 

Finn looked confused. "Why don't you want to talk about it there?"

"I don't know. I guess we can." Ben wondered if he was ready to admit his feelings for Hux to Finn and Rey. His heart said yes, but his mind said no. He and Finn walked back into the bedroom and sat on opposite sides of Rey. Rey smiled at both of them before replaying the movie. 

"No, wait, Rey, don't turn it on yet." Finn said. He breathed in and out once. "I wanna tell you guys something."

"Sure," Rey paused the movie, turning to face Finn. She started laughing. "This is about you and Poe isn't it?" She asked excitedly. 

Finn half smiled. "Yeah," He looked over at Ben, then back at Rey. "This is for Ben, especially, since he doesn't remember jack about what happened last night.

"So, when Ben was... unconscious, Brendol carried him upstairs, and Poe took you back to this dorm, Rey. And then he put you on your bed, and he asked me a couple questions about Ben. He was actually the one who convinced me to forgive you, Ben. But anyway, you'd think this would be a moment I'd always remember, but I forgot the rest of the details, haha. I guess it was like, post traumatic stress or something like that. So we made out on this couch-"

"Oh my god." Ben glanced at the couch and Rey and Finn began to laugh.

"-and then he asked me to be his boyfriend." Finn finished, smiling. 

"Holy shit, Finn, that's great." Ben patted Finn on the back. Rey was hugging him. 

Ben felt so happy for Finn and Poe. He thought of Hux and hoped that he and Hux would be the next relationship to be established. 'But enough about romantic love.' He thought. Ben was just happy that things were back to normal with his friends again. And in less than 24 hours, too, that was a new record in how fast Ben could fix a problem.


	13. "Jeezus, Finn."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Ben," Finn looked towards the door and back at Ben, winking. "I'll see you later." Finn walked into the creative writing classroom, laughing. 
> 
> "Jesus, Finn." Ben said under his breath, and walked into the theater.

Ben heard Finn's voice, so he looked up from reading Othello to see him walk through the doorway with Poe. The 2 of them were holding hands, Poe was talking to Finn and Finn was laughing. Ben smiled. When Finn looked away from Poe to see him, Ben grinned and gave Finn a thumbs-up.

Poe sat down and Finn let go of his hand to go to his seat. Ben suddenly noticed that Poe didn't have his jacket with him. He looked at Finn to see that he had Poe's jacket on. 

He smirked. "You forgot to give him his jacket back, that's adorable." 

Finn sat down, smithing right back at Ben. "Oh come on." Finn slid the jacket off, hanging it on the armrest of his seat. "He actually gave it to me." 

Ben started laughing. "Oh my god, he gave you his jacket?" 

Finn looked at Ben, puzzled. "Yeah. I don't know what's so funny..." He scoffed, and Ben stopped laughing. 

"Oh, nothing. That's just adorable." Ben thought back to last night, when Hux had almost given him his jacket but he refused. He told himself that he would've forgotten it anyway, but wished he had taken it. 

"Ben, Ben, are you listening to me?" 

Ben snapped out of his daze and turned back to Finn. Finn asked, "Ben, did you hear anything I just said?"

Ben tried to think back, but when Finn realized he was taking a while, he sighed and said, "I was just telling you that everything's fine with you and Poe too. I told him what you said last night. He never was mad at you, he just thought you were freaking crazy."

"Oh. That's good. There's still several people who were at that party who would agree with him though."

"Yeah... sorry man I can't do anything about that for now. But there'll be a lot more parties in the future, they'd probably forget about what happened in like 2 weeks or so."

"Did you tell Poe about my disorder?"

"Yeah, I did. I hope that was ok."

Ben sighed. "Yeah, it's fine. I just... I just don't want it to spread around to people. I'd rather people think I was the local campus madman than let them know about my private life. And hey," Ben lowered his voice and got closer to Finn. "Did you tell him about the thing with my parents?"

"No. I wouldn't do that. I basically just told him about your disorder and that it was the reason you reacted the way you did at the party. I mean, he gets it, he understands everything now so don't worry."

Ben didn't really give a flying shit about what Poe thought. But that was before he started dating Ben's best friend. Now Ben considered him part of his "friend group", so he felt himself slowly starting to care a little bit. 

Finn snorted and started to laugh. "'Local campus madman.'" He chuckled. The bell rang, and Ben turned over in his seat to grab his laptop.  
*******  
Class ended. The bell rang and Ben put his laptop back in his bag and stood up. He was about to leave (he had assumed that now that Finn and Poe were a thing, Finn would leave with Poe and Ben wouldn't walk with Finn), but Finn stopped him. He told Ben to wait, said something to Poe and walked back to Ben. Ben saw Poe leave the room, and looked at Finn. "Dude, what's going on? I thought you'd leave with Poe..." He started giggling, then stopped himself, feeling like he was adopting Rey's 5-year-old personality when it came to romance. 

Finn came closer to Ben, and they started walking out the classroom. They both said goodbye to the professor before walking out. Finn asked, "How did things go down with Brendol?"

Ben tried to play it cool. He was an actor after all. "What do you mean 'how'd things go down with Brendol?'?"

"Dude. Don't play dumb." 

'Fine then, I'll tell him.' Ben thought. 'But not because I'm caving under pressure.' And he wasn't. He decided it was time to tell Finn what he'd been keeping up inside him for a long time. 

"Alright, but you're not going to tell anyone, right?" Ben asked, uncertain. 

"Dude. Would I really do that to you?" Finn smirked again at Ben, raising a brow. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened, oh my god. I just, I kind of like him." There. Ben finally did it. Not that specifically, but at least he's said it out loud to Finn. Like he'd actually spill his guts out to him like an immature schoolboy. 

"Oh. I feel like he might have a thing for you too."

"Why would you think that?"

"Just the way he was talking about you yesterday. How you were 'such a handsome sweet guy' how he'd 'never thought this would happen', his words, by the way. I'm going to guess he was vex with you as well, but you guys made things ok like you did with me and Rey?"

"Actually, he was never mad at me. He was extremely understanding."

"Yeah, I know, he said you told him about your disorder. But, don't be mad, he only said that to protect you, of course. He's a nice guy."

"Yeah, he is."

They made it to the drama classroom and Finn was about to leave. "And another thing, Ben?"

"Yeah?" Ben asked. 

"Me, Poe and Rey are the only people who know about your disorder, just letting you know."

"Yeah, yeah of course. And it'll stay that way, won't it?"

"Yeah, I swear none of us will put your business out in the street."

Ben shook his head to calm down. He could trust Finn. Poe, not so much, he wasn't sure yet. "Why didn't you let Poe walk with us?"

"He has a class in a different building first of all. Second, I wanted to talk to you about this and I want sure if you'd want Poe around to like, you know-"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I like Poe, I guess, but I've never, like, had a real conversation with him."

"Makes sense. I should introduce you to him properly sometime."

"Yeah."

"Well, Ben," Finn looked towards the door and back at Ben, winking. "I'll see you later." Finn walked into the creative writing classroom, laughing. 

"Jesus, Finn." Ben said under his breath, and walked into the theater.


	14. Aaliyah Ships It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're thinking of that Brendol Hux guy, our TA, right?"
> 
> Ben didn't believe in mind-reading of course, but considering what was happening, he almost wanted to change his mind. Ben instinctively put on a facade and pretended he had no idea what she was talking about. "Brendol?"
> 
> "Yeah, Brendol. I always see you guys talking during class. You guys are friends?" 
> 
> 'You could say.' Ben thought. "Mhm." He nodded.

Everyone's so much like Rey.' Ben thought to himself, laughing to himself as he walked into the theatre and into the classroom. He said hello to Professor Snoke, then looked around for Hux. He wasn't in the classroom. Ben figured he'd see him later, and he sat down in his seat. 

Snoke went up to the front of the classroom, greeting the class and saying, "Today you'll translate all of Romeo and Juliet Act 3 Scene 5. You may have a partner to help you. Take a look at the list on the door." Most of the people rushed to the door to look at who their partners were, but Ben stayed in his seat, taking a copy of the Romeo and Juliet script as Snoke walked past with them. Blue-haired girl still wasn't back in class, Ben knew that when Hux came, he'd be his partner again. He smiled at the thought and turned to Act 3 Scene 5, starting to do the work on his own for now until Hux came to class. 

Ben had been able to work on the script for about 10 minutes until a chubby girl with short brown hair approached him, bending down to look him in the face. Ben's eyes flicked up to see her. "You're Ben, right?" She asked, half-smiling. 

"Uh, yeah." Ben said, skeptical. 

"Oh cool. Lemme pull up a chair. I know this play like the back of my hand." She grabbed her chair from her seat and pulled it up to the side of Ben's desk. 

Ben shook his head. "Pardon me, I'm so sorry but what's going on?"

"Dude. Snoke's sheet says that we're partners." She sat in the chair, fingering through the script. 

"Oh, yeah, of course." Ben said, only half paying attention. He was thinking of where Hux could be. Ben thought back to one of the conversations they'd had, God, it felt like ages ago, but it was only the week before last week. He said he did cardio on Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays... maybe he was doing it last period and that's why he was late? Ben knew that upperclassmen had time in between their classes and school started later for them. Or if Hux wasn't doing cardio, maybe he was taking time to do homework for another class or-

"Penny for your thoughts?" The girl's voice jarred Ben out of his curious thoughts of Hux's whereabouts and he glanced at her to see her raise a brow at him. "You're thinking of that Brendol Hux guy, our TA, right?"

Ben didn't believe in mind-reading of course, but considering what was happening, he almost wanted to change his mind. Ben instinctively put on a facade and pretended he had no idea what she was talking about. "Brendol?"

"Yeah, Brendol. I always see you guys talking during class. You guys are friends?" 

'You could say.' Ben thought. "Mhm." He nodded. 

"Well, if you're wondering where he is or something, I saw him last period. He was talking on the phone outside on the track, and I was going to say hello, but he seemed pretty busy. From my perspective, it kind of looked like he was fighting with someone on the other end. It wasn't any of my business anyway. Probably nothing much, most likely. I should stop talking, we should get to work." The girl looked back to the script, taking the pencil out of her hair. 

Ben wondered who Hux had been talking to outside. He was right though, Hux was doing cardio. He hoped everything was fine, and he decided he wouldn't ask him the next time he saw him. 

"One more thing," The girl raised her head. "My friend really ships you and Brendol. I don't know why, she just does. Don't be mad or anything, she ships everyone she sees together, it's so funny."

Ben laughed a bit. "Who's your friend?" 

"Aaliyah, your improv partner before we started the Romeo and Juliet unit? Blue hair? She told me yesterday. I didn't say much about it. She's coming back on Friday also, she's in Tahiti right now." 

"That's nice." Ben laughed inside his head. God, no matter how hard he tried to act, Ben was still an open book. He was going to have to work on that. Whoever this Aaliyah girl was, Ben knew that she'd be right about Ben and Hux being "a thing" soon. He smirked to himself, and looked back at his script. "We've really got to get work done." He said to the girl, laughing, and she laughed along. 

The door opened. Ben looked up at the sound, already knowing who it was going to be. Hux walked in the room, a towel around his neck, his forehead shiny, dressed head-to-toe in Adidas, Ben observed. Hux walked over to Snoke sitting at his desk, being down to tell him something. Snoke nodded, saying something back. Ben saw Hux dart his eyes up and see him, and Ben acted like he was looking at the board. Then he looked back down at his script for a second, then back up at Hux. Hux was still looking at him, and he boyishly grinned and winked at Ben. Ben felt his fingers go numb. 

The girl had her nose in the script, scribbling away. Almost like a coincidence (Ben didn't believe in those either, today was an interesting day for him), the girl stood up and told Ben she was going to the bathroom. When she left the room, Hux made his way over to Ben's desk and sat down in the girl's seat, giving Ben another toothed smile. 

Ben gave Hux's outfit another glance-over. "Your outfit probably costs 1000 cups of Top Ramen." He said without thinking. He then realized what he said afterward and braced himself for the traditional awkwardness with him and Hux. 

Hux looked at Ben with a confused look, then started to laugh. "Oh my god, that was random." He flicked a stray hair out of his face. "So you mean, like, the amount of money it costs could also get you 1000 cups of Top Ramen?" 

"Yeah." Ben said simply, and he and Hux started to laugh again. Ben felt the warmth in his fingers start to rise to his cheeks. 

"That's an interesting statistic. I almost want to go check if you're right later. But I probably couldn't because I don't exactly remember how much this outfit costs and I don't eat Top Ramen so..." Hux trailed off. There it was: the awkwardness Ben was anticipating. Ben looked in a different direction and played with a lock of his hair. 

Hux started to speak again. "So what do you do on Tuesdays and Thursdays usually? I think you told me but I forgot."

"Oh, I work part-time at the Starbucks, from 11 am to 5 pm. I could make a mean latte." Ben tried to joke, and Hux laughed a bit. 

"Oh yeah, that's why I wanted to ask you this. Do you want to go with me there like, before or after your work time? Or anywhere you want to go."

'Is he asking me on a date?' Ben wondered. 'Or is it just hope getting the best of me...' "Uhhh, I think I can get my boss to let me take a day off. If we go to Starbucks, then we can get free drinks."

"That's brilliant. But are you sure that can be arranged and stuff?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. I'll text my boss when I get back to the dorm. She'll let me have a day off, definitely."

"Ok, great. So the one closest to campus, right?"

"Yeah. Let's go at 1 pm." Ben looked up at the sound of the door opening, and it was the girl. She saw Ben and Hux, gave a "that's good" sign with her hand and scurried over to her desk. Ben shook his head, and Hux turned to see what he was looking at. But the girl and sat down by then, and he then turned back to Ben. 

"Ok. Tomorrow, yes? Starbucks, 1:00?"

"Yep!" Ben smiled, waiting for Hux to be all like "so it's a date then?". But he didn't say it, to Ben's surprise. 

"Ok." Ben hadn't noticed that Hux had crept his hand on top of Ben's. Hi curled his hand around Ben's hand and squeezed it, and Ben felt a rush of endorphins making him giddy with happiness. 'Get a hold of yourself, Ben, you're not 12.' Said Ben's mind, but when with Hux, he hardly ever listened to it. He just enjoyed Hux's company, and Hux's alone. 

Ben heard a buzz, and Hux let go of his hand to reach into his sweats pocket. He pulled out his phone, pressing the home button, glaring at something on the screen. He looked up at Ben for a last time, smiling without the teeth. "Bye, Ben." He said quickly, then he got up, typing on his phone, taking a sharp turn into the theatre. 

Ben tried to get the girl's attention, but she was on her phone, and he was too lazy to go over to get her. He looked at the time, and realized that class was about to end in 15 minutes. He quickly began to annotate again, deciding with himself that he would check in with the girl on Wednesday about their work.   
*******  
Ben sighed with relief when he read the text from his boss saying, "Yes, you may take a day off, but be here on Thursday." A thought crossed his mind about if he should set up his outfit, but Ben erased it. He was starting to move more in step with Hux, and he was becoming more comfortable and confident around him. He thought back to last night, and the kiss Hux had planted on Ben's cheek. Ben smiled with that last thought on his mind and steadily fell asleep, before Rey started to sing in the shower.


	15. Game of Thrones, Vanilla Bean Frappucinos, Ben's Ponytail and the First Order Science Centre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux stood back on his feet, looking into Ben's eyes. Ben smiled shyly, blushing again. He subtly glanced at Hux's medium-pink, baby-soft lips. He desperately wanted to kiss them. He started to lean in, and Hux did too. Ben anticipated the moment when they met halfway and their lips met would feel better than anything else Ben had ever felt before. 
> 
> Soon, their lips were an inch away and their eyes were still locked. At that moment, Hux...

Rey keeled over, cackling. "Gosh, Ben," She wheezed, leaning on the sink table for support. "Did you just grow your hair out to put it in a ponytail?"

Ben spun around to look at Rey, rolling his eyes. "Oh, shut up," He teased, looking back at himself in the mirror. "I think I look good. Check the time, please?"

"Haha, relax, you'll have plenty of time to get ready for your date." Rey left the bathroom. "It's 11:30!" She shouted. 

Ben nodded, taking another look at himself in the mirror. Again, just himself. Ben Solo. Ben shook his head. He was overthinking things. It wasn't a first impression anymore, Hux knew who he was and what he was like, and he seemed to take a liking to him. Ben didn't know how and didn't know why, but he was ecstatic that he'd hit things off with Hux. 

Ben smoothed down his clothes once more and left the bathroom, asking Rey how she thought he looked. 

"Well, in honesty, your clothes look good," Rey started, flipping onto the bed and lying on her stomach, giving Ben a once-over. "But Benny, c'mon. Your hair. Just wear it down!" 

"No, I don't want to. Not today."

"Why not?"

"Because you remember that Indian hair cream you got me? It made it shinier and softer, like the jar said, but it made it a bit hard to wash out. So my hair is all greasy-looking, and I don't want to wear it out."

"Oh my gosh. You sound like a freaking girl." Rey started laughing again. 

"Oh my god, stop it!" Ben started to laugh as he hit Rey with a pillow, Rey rolling onto her back, still laughing. Ben sat down on the bed next to her. 

"Well, I still have like, and hour and a half until Brendol's coming. What do I do?" Ben twisted a lock of hair around his finger, wiggling his finger out of it until it made a spiral curl. 

"Watch Netflix? Study? Read? I got a new book." Rey watched Ben as he "curled" his hair, mouth agape. "How the hell do you know how to do that? How can you do that?" She asked with shock. 

Ben shrugged. "This wouldn't work if my hair wasn't weighed down with grease." He combed his fingers through the ponytail, getting rid of the curl. "It's, like, a nervous habit or something, I don't know. I'm not gonna do it anymore because if I do this to all of my hair, I'm going to look like King Louis."

Rey giggled. "Which one?"

Ben chuckled and rolled his eyes. "All of them." He said, and Rey laughed harder. 

"An hour and a half until you leave with Mr. Brendol," Rey said in a sing-song voice, and Ben groaned. "What do we do? We should watch something."

Ben thought of what they should watch. He thought back, he thought of Hux, and then he knew. 

"Game of Thrones." Ben decided, turning to Rey. They both lay down in their stomachs on the bed again, and Rey picked up the remote control. 

Rey's eyes widened at him. "Game of Thrones?" She repeated, unbelieving. "I don't know, Ben, that's some jacked-up shit. I mean there's all that scary stuff, and sex and-" 

Ben raised a brow, smirking at Rey, while yet trying to plead with his eyes. Rey looked confused for a bit, but then she got it. 

"Ohhhhhh..." She said. "You want to watch Game of Thrones because Brendol... ohhhhhh." She said, understandingly. She nodded. "I'm sure there isn't that much sex and scary stuff in the very first episode anyway." Rey compromised, smirking as she turned on Netflix.   
*******  
After 2 episodes of Game of Thrones (Ben and Rey loved it so far), Ben heard his phone buzz in his pocket. Rey watched him as he squirmed and took it out. 

He pressed the home button to see a text from Hux on the screen; "I'm outside in the parking lot ;)." It said. Ben smiled at the winking emoticon and told Rey, "He says he's out in the parking lot."

Ben gave himself a look-over once more and checked his pockets for money. "Oh, wait I need money." He said, going through the ditty laundry to find his old pants. "There," He said, reaching into the pocket and pulling out $20. Rey watched him as he did this, interest in her eyes. 

Ben looked back over at her. "What?" He asked. 

Rey smiled lightly, flipping over on the bed and staring at Ben upside down. "Benny. I got to ask you a question, you gotta answer honestly."

"Um, okay. What is it?" 

Rey cleared her throat. "I'm being totally serious, I know I have a track record, but listen. Are you actually in love? Like, not like you were with Ellen," She added quickly. "But like, really, truly, in everlasting love?"

Ben sighed, twirling his hair again. He almost felt guilty every time Rey mentioned her name. He felt like he missed her. "Ellen Phasma is no longer in my life and... I feel... I don't even know."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable, like, talking about her again?" Rey could practically read his mind. 

"It's okay. But with me and Brendol..." Ben thought that he should admit it, that it was finally time to tell Rey how he felt. "I wouldn't know. I don't know what love feels like."

Rey nodded. "I think you do now." She spoke quietly. Ben knew that what he had said was as far as he'd go for admitting his feelings for Hux now, even if he was talking to his cousin. But Ben know that deep down, Rey already knew how he feels. 

Ben and Rey said their goodbyes, and Ben went down the stairs and into the parking lot. On his way down, he texted Hux: "What does your car look like?" and Hux had answered in record time: "Kind of like a sports car. Red Mazda." 

Ben widened his eyes. 'How rich are his parents?' He thought, looking through the cars whispering, "Red Mazda" repeatedly to himself thinking it will help him find it. He then realized that he was so caught up in his thoughts that he had failed to realize that there was only 1 red car in the parking lot. Feeling stupid, he checked his phone again. Another text from Hux, sent 1 minute ago, saying, "I see you. Silly thing. I'm gonna pull out to get you, wait a second."

Ben watched the red car pull out of the parking spot and turn around. He peered in the driver's seat. He saw Hux, shades on, same hair and a light blue t-shirt. Ben couldn't tell if he was looking at him or not because the shades were so dark. Just in case, Ben grinned and waved a bit, and Hux did back. 

Hux's red Mazda stopped right in front of Ben, and Ben opened the door and slid in. He closed it behind him, breathing in the scent of Hux's car. It smelled like pine trees and lemon. Ben breathed out, and looked at Hux. "Hi." He said simply, getting all shy again. 

"Hey, Ben," Hux said. He plucked off his shades, revealing those green eyes yet again. Ben blushed. Hux smiled, turning back to the road and starting to drive. 

"Do you need directions?" 

"Nah. I never go to Starbucks anymore, but I know where it is."

Ben nodded. 

"So what'd you do all morning?" Hux asked. "Like, until I came to get you."

"Oh." Ben's cheeks became redder. "I started to watch Game of Thrones."

"Oh my god, that's amazing! How much did you watch?" 

"Like, the first 2 episodes." Ben wanted to act more excited, to let Hux know that he likes talking to him, but his nervousness...

"Ah. It gets so much better later. I'm not gonna spoil it for you but damn," Hux sighs. "That show is a fucking work of art."

They'd already gotten to Starbucks. Hux effortlessly parallel-parked into a parking spot, stopping the car. He unlocked his seatbelt and Ben unlocked his. Hux got out of the car and walked over to Ben's side, opening the door for him. 

"Oh, you didn't have to do that." Ben smiled up at Hux, feeling like a character straight out of a cheesy chick flick from the 90s. 

"Yeah I do." Hux shut the door of his car and locked it. "Only a proper gentleman opens the door for his date." He smiled lightly, raising his eyebrows at Ben. 

Ben didn't even want to imagine how red his cheeks were now. 

They walked into Starbucks, and Ben saw his boss. She smiled and nodded at him, and Ben smiled and nodded back. Ben whispered to Hux, "She's my boss." He gestured to her. 

Hux flicked his eyes toward her and nodded and smiled. "Do you know what you want?"

"Yeah. Vanilla bean frappe. You should get 1 too, to be honest those things are a 10 out of 10."

"So are all their other flavors I would presume."

"Yeah... but the vanilla bean is my favorite."

"If that's so, I'll try it."

"Yeah, you should. I mean, if you really want to." Ben pulled out the $20. "I'm going to go find a table. Here, use this to pay for my drink."

Hux turned around to Ben, looking at him with surprise. "And a gentleman always pays for his date's food." He says simply. 

Ben thought back to his dates with Ellen. They'd always split the bill. He then said that to Hux. 

"Well, I'm not your ex. It's just a normal thing that I've taught myself to do. It's proper etiquette to pay for your date's meal. For me, anyway."

Ben never remembered that he could get drinks for free since he was an employee, but instead realized that there was no use arguing with Hux. So he thanked him ("No need to thank me." Hux had said.) and sat down at a table for 2 in the corner, playing Doodle Jump on his phone until he saw Hux slide into the seat in front of him, facing him. 

"I got a venti for you and a tall for me, just in case I might not like it, I didn't get a big frappe. That cool?"

"Oh my god," Ben said, pulling the frappe toward him and taking a sip. "Mmhmm. Perfect. Brendol. How do you already know me so damn well?"

"I've just been lucky to have gotten he chance to." Hux said, sitting down and taking a sip of his frappe. "Mhm." He wiped the corner of his mouth. "That's good. That's really good."

"I'm so glad you like it." Ben said, feeling awkward and sad that he was letting Hux flirt with him and not flirting back. He wanted to get into the relationship of... whatever he had with Hux. So he asked, "Hey, Brendol?"

"Yeah, Ben?" 

"What are we?"

"Homo sapiens. Gosh, Ben, I bought you'd know that." Hux started to laugh, and Ben knew he was joking, so he started to laugh too. 

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, who are we to each other, Brendol?"

"Haha. I knew exactly what you meant." Hux's bright green eyes met Ben's as Hux drank the frappe. "Who are we to each other?" Hux looked down for a bit, then back up, shifting in his seat. "What do you think, Ben?"

Ben swallowed. "Um, I don't know. We're really good friends?" Ben decided that playing dumb made him look better than saying that Hux was his boyfriend. Because a) it wasn't true and b) it would make him appear desperate and needy. 

Hux laughed. "I think you know we're more than friends, Ben." He said, and Ben squirmed. "But I don't know what we would call ourselves. Like, I don't want to put a label on it."

"I understand. I don't either. I'm good about saying we're just more than friends." Ben drank from his frappe again, accidentally making a slurping sound. Hux laughed, Ben laughed along. "I'm more than happy we're more than friends." Ben attempted to flirt, and lucky for him, Hux grinned. 

"Yeah, me too. Oh and another thing, after this I got to go to my parents's job because they're having a tour today... do you want to come, maybe?"

"I'm not sure. I might have homework. Or Rey might want me for something... I'm not sure. Where do your parents work again?"

"I haven't told you before. They work for the First Order Psychology Centre."

Ben had heard of it before, you could say. He went through a phase as a kid where he was obsessed with science, and he'd gotten science and chemistry child-safe kits from the First Order. But 1 day, when he was 10, his parents just stopped getting them for him. They told him that he was too old to be playing with science kits but Ben knew that wasn't the reason. He felt like his parents had something against the First Order, but he didn't know what. As the curious kid Ben was at that age, he tried to investigate about what his parents hated about the First Order, but he couldn't put his finger on it. His parents were good at covering up their tracks. Eventually, he just gave up. He'd forgotten about the science kits until now. 

"Oh, yeah. I've heard of them." Ben shook his head. Maybe his parents did something stupid with science and pissed off the First Order. He didn't know what the connection was between aerodynamics and science, but he didn't care. Maybe his parents were in debt to the First Order. Whatever the problem was between Ben's parents and the First Order, Ben didn't care. Whatever made his parents hate them, Ben was not interested. It was probably his parents's fault. To Ben, they were very dysfunctional people. "I think I'll go." Ben said, feeling excited when he saw Hux's smile yet again. He lived to see that smile. 

"Then, we finish our frappes and we're on the go." Hux sucked down the last bit of whipped cream sitting on the bottom of his cup. "I should've gotten more, that was fantastic. Do you want to stay here to finish?"

"Nah, it's fine. We can walk. When do you have to go to the First Order?" 

"We've got an hour until I have to start driving. So yeah, let's take a walk." Hux stood up, pushing in his chair. Ben followed Hux out the door, then stepped up next to him, walking at his pace. 

"You know, Ben, about your hair? I'm not fancying the ponytail." Hux said kindly. Ben pulled at his ponytail, the very ends flipping onto his shoulder. He had forgotten he was wearing his hair like that. 

"Oh. Like, I usually wear it down, but Rey bought me this hair grease last weekend, and I used it while my hair was still wet and it-"

"No no, it's fine, you don't have to explain. You can wear your hair any way you want. I'm just saying that I like it better down."

Without any thought, Ben reached up and untied the hair-tie. He took the ponytail out, then fluffed his hair to make it neater. He looked at Hux expectantly. 

"Ah, the messy long hair trend." Hux said, smirking a little bit as he said this. "Looks great on you."

"Thanks!" Ben said, a little bit too excitedly. He mellowed out, and heard a buzz in his pocket. "You don't mind if I check this?" Ben took out his phone and showed it to Hux, and Hux shook his head no. 

Ben clicked he home button. A text from Rey saying: "They can't find u @ school and they need u at the office. Don't worry, it's just a schedule check. I told them you were busy, but I said you would be back soon."

Ben texted back: "What time?"

From Rey: "I said 2:30."

Ben looked at the time. It was 2:18. 

He sighed, and looked at Hux. "Hey Brendol. The school office needs me. That's what Rey said. They need to give me a schedule change or something. I got to be there by 2:30."

"Oh, that sucks. I was really looking forward to spending more time with you. Let's turn back towards the car. Luckily we didn't walk very far. At least let me do you the favor of driving you back to campus." They turned around. 

"Well, okay. We can obviously have another... date... sometime soon. When are you free?"

"Hmm. Not Thursday. I have something important I need to do. I wish I could explain. But anyway, I'm free on Friday starting at 8:00 pm. The sorority's got an improv show and that's when it ends. You can come to the show if you want?"

"Yeah, I think I will." Ben would definitely be going to that show. 

"And I don't know what you'd want to do at 8 in the night but yeah, there's gotta be something to do. You could even hang out at the sorority house."

Ben didn't like the idea of hanging out with a bunch of people he didn't know. Even if Hux introduced him to them, he figured that it would still be awkward. 

Ben offered, "How about I go to the show, find you after it and we go to the Cheesecake Factory downtown?" Ben had memories of going to the Cheesecake Factory with Rey. He loved it, and he felt like it would be the perfect place to take Hux. 

"Oh my god, I love the Cheesecake Factory! That sounds great! Kind of pricy though, for food anyway, how about we split the bill half-and-half?"

Ben sighed with relief that he wouldn't have to pay for the entire bill to be a "proper gentleman." "Yeah, that sounds good."

They made it back to the car and they both piled in. Hux started up the car and began to drive. Suddenly, Ben felt something attach to his thigh. Ben looked down. Hux's right hand was resting on his thigh, but slightly grasping it. Ben glanced over at Hux. He had his shades back on, but Ben could tell his eyes were glued to the road. His left hand steered. Ben couldn't see his eyes, and he didn't have any other emotion on his face. Ben smiled and sighed, leaning back in the chair, thinking about how happy he was and making sure he enjoyed the rest of the moment. 

When they pulled into the parking lot, Hux's hand left Ben's thigh so he could focus on parking. He stopped the car, and he and Ben both got out. "Do you know where the office is?" He asked. 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know."

"Pretty sure but not fully sure. I'll walk you anyway." Hux said. Ben nodded and they started towards the office. 

When they got there, Ben turned towards Hux. He was waiting for another kiss in the cheek. 

And he got it. Again, Hux stretched up and gave him a peck on the cheek. Ben closed his eyes, savoring what he could of the quick moment. 

Hux stood back on his feet, looking into Ben's eyes. Ben smiled shyly, blushing again. He subtly glanced at Hux's medium-pink, baby-soft lips. He desperately wanted to kiss them. He started to lean in, and Hux did too. Ben anticipated the moment when they met halfway and their lips met would feel better than anything else Ben had ever felt before. 

Soon, their lips were an inch away and their eyes were still locked. At that moment, Hux decided to whisper, "We're both going to be late."

Ben pulled away from Hux. He shook his head. 'He's just teasing you.' He thought. 'He'll give you the kiss after the 2nd date. Or 3rd, really.' And Ben knew that he wasn't telling himself this based on false hope. He really believed that it would happen on Friday, their day, right after the Cheesecake Factory. 

"Bye." Ben whispered, turning around. 

"Farewell, Ben. Until tomorrow!" Hux whispered back. Ben heard his footsteps recede, and the door open and close. 

Ben stopped at the door. "Until tomorrow." Ben repeated under his breath, just to himself. He walked inside the college office.


	16. The Family Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben!" She had raised her voice. "You're never going to understand, are you? You're my child, and it's my job to decide what you do with your life! Me and your father had dreams of you doing our job, working the family business, carrying on our name!! We didn't have dreams of you becoming some... some coffee-making, theatre-working introvert!!!! Why couldn't you be like your parents??!!!"
> 
> Ben laughed out loud. "Was that intended to insult me, mother?"

The next morning, Ben woke up feeling like Maria in Sound of Music when she was frolicking through the hills. He was absolutely ecstatic, and he'd actually gotten up on time today. He started singing the song from Sound of Music, waking Rey. 

"You've got a lovely voice, if I haven't told you that already." She said groggily, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. Ben was still singing. "I don't even have to guess about what you're so happy about."

"My heart wants to sing every song it hears!" Ben sang with vibrato. He hushed when he realized he was singing way too loud. He took a breath. "Rey, he just. I can't even. Brendol..." Ben knew he was being cheesy, but he didn't care. 

"You're like a teenage girl." Rey got up and shoved Ben playfully in the shoulder, walking into the kitchen. Ben sighed with happiness, looking up to the ceiling. 

"You want waffles?" Rey called.   
*******  
Ben had finished all his tests the week before, so he appreciated he time he had to not pay attention in class. He would think about Hux. His eyes, his smile, the way he talked. As said before, about Hux to Ben was perfect.

When Ben arrived in English class, he went straight to his seat, noticing that when the bell rang, Finn wasn't in his seat. He waited for a couple minutes, then he texted Finn: "Hey man, where are you?" He waited a couple more minutes, but no answer. 

Ben checked up to see if the professor could see him. His eyes flicked to the front of the room, and he noticed that Poe wasn't in his seat either. Ben smirked, typing: "Oh, Poe isn't here either. How strange ;)." 

Maybe Ben would have that with Hux someday.   
*******  
Neither Finn or Poe showed up that period. When class ended, Ben took 3 worksheets for him and them and went to drama, taking his time because he knew Hux came to class late and he wanted to get there after him for once, so he could see his reaction when he walked into the classroom instead of vice-versa. 

Ben put his earbuds in shuffled his playlist, the 1st song popping up on it being 1 of his favorites by Queen. He hadn't listened to Queen in a long time so he relaxed and listened to the music until he walked into class. 

Hux wasn't in class yet. Ben shrugged, walking to his seat. Blue-haired Aaliyah wasn't back yet, so he'd have to do a performance with the brown-haired girl (he wished he'd remembered her name). But she wasn't here either. Ben wondered if she and Hux were in the same place. 

Then, Hux walked in, the green sweatshirt and khakis again, not a hair out of place. He caught sight of Ben and winked. Ben winked back. 

After Snoke gave his instructions, Hux went over to Ben. "You look fantastic," Ben said. 

"Not as fantastic as you do." Hux replied. 

"My improv partner isn't here and neither is my Romeo and Juliet partner."

"Oh, that's not so bad. Then you have me."

"Yeah."

"Luckily I have the lines for both characters in this scene memorized. So am I Romeo or Juliet?"

"You gotta be Juliet. I have Romeo's lines memorized."

"So are you saying I'm the girl in this relationship?" Hux pretend-scoffed. 

"What relationship?"

Hux lowered his voice. "Our current relationship as quote-on-quote, more than friends." He did the air-quotes incorrectly, making Ben laugh. 

"No, no. Just this." Ben was still laughing. As for our relationship in real life, we're both the dude in the relationship."

Ben and Hux performed, receiving an A from Snoke and a promise to chastise both of Ben's missing partners (he wouldn't have minded if he didn't, but whatever). When class ended, Hux walked Ben back to his dorm, giving him the infamous kiss on the cheek in front of Ben's door before leaving. Ben decided he'd complete his science, English and math homework and by the time he finished that, it was time to cook dinner. 

Ben had leftover fettuccini Alfredo Rey had made last night. He thought about watching Game of Thrones, but realized that Rey probably wouldn't want him to start watching it without her. So he decided he'd turn to Comedy Central and watch whatever was on there. 

The reason that Rey wasn't home was because she'd started to do late-night aerodynamics classes in the science building and they didn't end until 9:30 pm. They started at 6:30 pm, and Rey would use the time between when school started and the class started to do her homework. The time was 8:05. Ben wasn't in the mood to watch Comedy Central, he was feeling pretty exhausted from the homework and so he headed to the bathroom to take a shower. 

Ben took off his clothes and got in the shower, humming "Rainbow Connection" by The Carpenters as he watched the mirror fog up. He let his minds wander off to Hux again. He wondered if Hux thought about him as much as he thought about Hux. 'Probably not. But hopefully.' Ben decided. When Ben got obsessed with something, he got obsessed. It was Nerf guns when he was 6. It was science fiction books when he was 12 (which Ben still considered himself to be obsessed with to this day). Now, it was a person. Not just any person, or even Ellen, whom he did think he was in love with. But now he knew what it was to be in love. It was Brendol Hux. 

Ben hadn't felt this happy in a long time, and this he knew. He put on his nightclothes and went to bed, thinking about Hux 1 last time before he fell asleep. 

Hux and him in a dark cozy room together. The feel of Hux's skin as Ben grazed his fingers over it. The rhythmic pattern of Hux's mouth and his moving in sync. Him pulling at Hux's long red bangs, Hux's hair gradually becoming messy as Ben kissed him. Hux's hand on Ben's waist, looking to drop his pants, whilst kissing him as he did this. Ohhhh. Hux.   
*******  
Ben walked home after working at Starbucks on Thursday, humming to himself yet again. Having finished all his homework, he knew that Rey would be at home to watch Game of Thrones with him. He'd probably be able to fall asleep again. 

Less than 10 minutes after Ben had gotten into the dorm and Rey turned on Game of Thrones, Ben's phone buzzed, which meant someone was calling. He wrestled his phone out of his pocket, checking the caller. He gasped. 

"Benny, who is it?" Rey looked at Ben's phone. "Oh crap."

Ben firmly pressed the button and answered the call. 

"Ben? Ben, what took you so long to answer?" Said the voice from the other end. Rey pressed the pause button on the TV. 

Ben took a deep breath. "Hello, mother."

"Hello, Ben. How are you doing?"

"Good. And you?"

"I've been fine as well, thank you for asking." Ben heard Leia slurp from the other end, and he knew she must be drinking tea or something. "I'm drinking some of Rey's peppermint tea. She gave me the recipe just before you 2 left. What are you doing at the moment?"

"I just got home from work. I got a free caramel frappe." 

"That's lovely. But you know, nothing beats their vanilla bean." That was 1 thing Ben and his mum could agree on. 

"Absolutely, mother."

"So," Leia took another sip. "Has Rey started her aerodynamics classes?"

"Yes, she has. She's been coming home pretty late." Ben looked over to Rey, but she had left. She must have gone when she noticed things were fine with Ben and Leia. 

"That should be you in that class with her. But instead, drama. What a dumb thing for a major." Oh, God, there they went again. Ben took another deep breath with his eyes closed. 

"Mother," He said firmly. "We talked about this. I don't live in your house anymore and I can make my own decisions. I'm even paying my own tuition!" 

"Ben!" She had raised her voice. "You're never going to understand, are you? You're my child, and it's my job to decide what you do with your life! Me and your father had dreams of you doing our job, working the family business, carrying on our name!! We didn't have dreams of you becoming some... some coffee-making, theatre-working introvert!!!! Why couldn't you be like your parents??!!!"

Ben laughed out loud. "Was that intended to insult me, mother?"

She calmed down. "No, no it wasn't, Ben. It was to pound some sense in your head!"

"Mother!!!" Ben stood straight up. "You do not own me anymore! I don't give a fuck about your dreams for me, and I'm sure Han Solo didn't give a fuck either!!  So just fucking stop insulting what I've chosen to do with my life and stop torturing me because I'm different from the rest of you guys!" Ben stopped screaming, waiting for what Leia had to say. 

The other end of the line was quiet for a while. Ben gulped. Then Ben's mother decided to say, "Well then, Ben. If you're going to swear at me and be disrespectful, I want to speak to my niece."

Ben screamed with rage. He swiveled around to notice Rey standing a couple yards away from him, by the kitchen. She must have just gotten there. Ben made his way towards her and shoved his phone in her hands. "She wants to talk to you." He said in the calmest voice he could as he walked into the bathroom. 

He turned on the sink and put his hands to the tap, putting water in his mouth. He then scrambled around his side of the bathroom for his meds. He found them, dropped one in his mouth and swallowed it with the water. 

Ben looked into the mirror. He looked like he was about to break down. "No." He told himself. "Not today." He shook his head, ruffled his hair and went back outside. 

"Yeah, they're pretty late, but fun." Ben heard Rey saying. She turned around to see him walking towards the coat rack. Ben slid on his jacket, grabbing the keys on the nightstand. Rey watched him, taking the phone away from her ear. "Where are you going?"

"Out." Ben said, shoving the keys in his pocket and slipping out the door.


	17. Romantic Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben didn't know what to say. He couldn't say it out loud, but he already admitted it to himself. There was no use trying to hide the truth anyway, when deep down you already know it.

Ben shoved his hands in his pockets, briskly walking against the crisp fall air. While controlling his breathing (as a way to try and calm down), he decided he'd listen to Panic! at the Disco. Rey's favorite band was starting to grow on him anyway, and he liked their recent album. He fingered around in his pockets but felt only the keys, and he realized that he didn't have his earphones with him and Rey had his phone back at the dorm anyway. He cursed. He decided he wasn't going to turn back, that he was going to walk as far as he wanted to and he'll decide then whether or not he wanted to turn back. 

Ben hummed "House of Memories" by Panic! at the Disco as he walked. He had walked all the way over to the sophomore's building, where they had all the restaurants and snack places. Ben felt in his back pockets for change- he was sort of hungry and food always made him feel less angry. He found a fiver and walked into Subway. 

After ordering a turkey and Swiss sandwich and paying the cashier, Ben sat down to think while the people in the kitchen made his sandwich. He rested his head on the table and closed his eyes. Like instinct, his thoughts went straight to Hux. How Ben wanted him here right now to make him feel better. For Hux to give him the gentle kiss on the lips that he'd been waiting for. For Hux to take him back to his dorm and for there to be no one but Ben and Hux alone (except for maybe Millicent the cat). The things that Ben would allow Hux to do to him and for him to want to do to Hux. 'Oh God,' Ben thought. 

But Ben supposed that that was just the way things had to be. The people and things you take for granted aren't there when you really need them. 

Ben hadn't taken Hux for granted of course but right now... he honestly wanted nothing more than him. 

His name was called from the counter and Ben stood up to get his sandwich, thanking the person at the counter who'd given it to him. He sat down again and took a small bite out of it, chewing it for longer than he should. He was deep in thought about Hux (obviously) and school, more especially the fact that he had a 35-problem math assignment due tomorrow that he hadn't even gotten started on yet. After Ben had slowly eaten his sandwich, he had an idea. He decided he'd go over to see Hux at the gymnasium because he knew that Hux did cardio on Thursday, so he'd be there. Ben didn't even want to tell Hux about what had just happened to him- he wanted Hux's company, not a 2-man pity party. He got up and started toward the gym, feeling a little bit happier.

But that didn't last long. Ben and river to the gym and looked into the track, expecting to see Hux. And he saw him, looking like he'd just finished working out and he was wearing the adidas again, with a towel around his neck. Ben smiled and blushed at the sight of him, and then got closer. He didn't want to feel like he was stalking Hux, so he came out in the open. 

Now that Ben had gotten closer, he could see that Hux seemed to be hissing at someone. Ben could hear him say, "Is it even working? Is it?" Ben looked to see who he was talking to. 

A short brunette with a purple streak in her hair was in tears. She was keeled over, but Ben could tell that if she stood up, she'd be at least 10 inches shorter than Hux. She sniffed and gave Hux a dirty look before spinning around in her heel and leaving the track before Ben could even hear her voice. But then Hux chased after her. 

Now Ben knew he was really stalking Hux. But he didn't care... he was very curious to what the hell was going down between Hux and the short brunette. He crept up a bit farther to see them. What Ben saw next was horrible. 

He could see Hux moving his lips, but he was too far away for Ben to hear a word he was saying. Hux leaned in and tried to kiss the girl, but she pushed him off and turned around again and left the track for good, without Hux chasing her again. Hux glanced in Ben's direction, and Ben ducked out of Hux's line of vision and ran all the way back to his dorm, not stopping. 

When he got into his dorm, he leaned back, screaming at the ceiling at the top of his lungs. "AAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHH!!!!!" He screamed for so long, until his voice got hoarse. Then he kicked the bed with all his might, only to find out that the bed was extremely hard and it hurt his toe. "OH MY GOD!!" He yelled, and started to punch the bed, grunting with every punch he dealt. He then screamed 1 more time when he got tired of punching the bed. He was exhausted from all the rage, so he gripped the bed and halfway laid on it. He looked towards Rey, who was staring at him with shock and horror. She said in a shaky voice, "Auntie Leia..." and Ben knew at that moment what she was going to do. Ben could tell that Rey was about to tell his mother what had been happening, and in less than 5 seconds, Ben ran towards Rey, snatched his phone out of her hand and hung up. 

Rey started to cry. Ben shoved the phone into his pocket, trying his hardest not to break down as well. Rey sniffed, wiping her face with good the backs of her hands, and looked up at Ben, her eyes bloodshot red. "What the hell happened out there while you were gone?!" She asked, starting to sniff again. 

Ben didn't know what to say. He couldn't say it out loud, but he already admitted it to himself. There was no use trying to hide the truth anyway, when deep down you already know it. 

So he just managed to say, "I'm sorry," while beginning to sob. He went into the bedroom, tears already starting to run down his face. He couldn't tell what time he fell asleep, but he was asleep all the way until the next morning.


	18. Each Other's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Brendol, I thought that all this lying to your girlfriend, the cheating on her and the deceit would make me feel sorry for her and angry at you, but honestly, I'm not either of those things, weirdly. I'm just happy to know that I have you again, and that this time, you're really mine."
> 
> Hux smiled. "Me too. I'm so thankful to have you."

"And then he tried to kiss her. But she pushed him off and left the track." Ben forced himself to say. It was easier for him to talk about him seeing Hux trying to kiss a girl in the morning, when he had forgotten about his mum, had gotten rid of his anger and had gotten some rest, and was in the company of Rey, making double chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast on a Friday morning. But that didn't mean it still didn't sting. 

"Oh, Benny." Rey put down the pan and walked into the dining room to lean over and hug Ben in his chair around the shoulders. Ben embraced her back, and she let go when she heard a sizzling sound on the stove. "Gosh darn it," She said. "I might've burned this one."

"It's okay," Ben gulped. "Rey, I need you to forgive me." 

Rey turned around and placed 3 pancakes onto a paper plate, raising an eyebrow at Ben. "For what though?"

"For flipping out yesterday. I'm honestly really sorry." 

Ben watched as Rey drizzled maple syrup on the pancake and placed the plate in front of Ben. "Oh. It's okay. I can understand that. At least you weren't flipping out on a person, though I would still forgive you for that." 

"You've had to forgive me twice in the past week and honestly, Rey, I'm very, very sorry."

"No, don't be! I'd let you know if you needed to be sorry. What I'm really sorry about is what you saw yesterday. Who would've thought that Brendol guy would turn out to be a dick? I thought he really liked you, honestly. All of us did." 

Ben took a bite of pancake. "Yeah," He swallowed. "I really thought so, too." 

"After school today, we can go watch a movie in the theater or something? I can bring Finn and Poe, and we can be the 3rd and 4th wheels to them, haha. Or we can just watch them be cute or something. Ex Machina is still in the theater, you wanna see that?"

Ben appreciated her attempts to make things better. So he said, "I heard it got really good reviews," and added, "I don't have any plans tonight." Rey squealed and hugged him again, Ben starting on another pancake. 

When Ben got to English class 6th period, he had the full intent to tell Finn what he had seen yesterday. He already had texted Finn that he had something to talk to him about. He knew that Finn would have something to say to make Ben feel better about it, even though Ben considered himself to be fine. But he still wanted to hear what Finn had to say about it. 

Ben walked into the classroom, nodding at the professor. He saw Finn at the back of the classroom with Poe, with Poe saying something and Finn listening intently. Finn started to laugh as Poe finished his story. Poe looked at the clock and let go of Finn's hand, kissing him on the forehead. He smiled at Ben and waved as he walked back to his seat, Ben doing the same back as he walked to his. By he time he got there, Finn was already on his phone (playing Flappy Bird, to what Ben could see). He looked up and saw Ben, saying, "Hey man, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? Please let it be good news." 

Ben smiled at Finn and looked back at Poe, then back to Finn again. He knew that he couldn't tell Finn what he'd seen. He didn't want Finn to feel all upset and sorry for him. Just because Ben didn't have real romance in his life,  that didn't mean that Finn didn't, and Ben couldn't bring himself to be so selfish that he'd forget all about Finn and Poe's relationship just so he could bitch about how bad his "relationship" was. 

So luckily, Ben had a backup plan. He told Finn about how Rey had invited them all to see Ex Machina that night at 8:30, and Finn said that he and Poe would go. 

By this time, the bell had already rung, and the professor finally got up to tell the class about their newest book they were forced to read for comprehension.   
*******  
Ben felt a pang for dread when the bell rang. It meant that he'd have to go to drama class soon, and he'd have to see Hux in that class. Finn got up and Ben started to walk with him. Finn looked at Ben, cocking his head. 

"Are you sure that's all you wanted to tell me, Ben? You look sort of deep in thought..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good." They walked in silence until Ben reached the theatre, Finn saying goodbye to him. Ben stood outside the theatre doors for a second, taking a deep breath before he went inside. No Hux yet. 

'He's probably picking up chicks,' Ben thought to himself. Not soon afterward, Ben caught a glimpse of red hair go into the classroom. He turned away, looking back to his desk. But then he looked back up, seeing Hux's outfit. It was a black Nike sweatshirt with matching sweats. 'Probably a new outfit,' Ben found himself thinking, but then he shook the thoughts out of his head. He knew that as long as Hux was in his presence, Ben would be tortured with the fact that he didn't know how he was going to ever be able to take his eyes off of him or stop thinking about him. 

As Ben pulled out his laptop to start on the homework assignment, he felt Hux's eyes on him. But he fought the will to look up, glaring menacingly at his computer as he typed up a summary for Romeo and Juliet furiously. 

Soon enough, Ben heard Hux's voice. "Don't kill your computer." He said jokingly, but Ben didn't look up, and continued typing. 

Hux grabbed a chair and sat down right next to Ben. "Ben, Ben, do you hear me? Ben? Earth to Ben Solo." And he started to laugh. He tapped on Ben's shoulder once, all that Ben was going to allow him, because he jerked his shoulder away from Hux. Hux slowly put his hand down, confused. 

"Ben." He said firmly, clearing his throat. "What's going on?" 

"You know, for such an intelligent, handsome guy like you, you're pretty stupid." Ben said, without thinking. He stopped typing when he realized what he said, and rolled his eyes at himself. He caught a glance at Hux, looking at him with extreme confusion with those green eyes. 

"Excuse me?" He asked, sounding utterly confused. 

"Brendol, I'm smart too, please don't play dumb with me. I know I've just been a toy to you. Except a really bad toy, apparently, because you didn't even bother to kiss me." Ben lowered his voice. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I saw you, Brendol. At the track, trying to kiss that girl. But she shoved you away, and you deserved it."

"What??? Ben, have you been spying on me??"

"That's beside the point, but the answer is no. I just so happened to be walking and I walked past the track and I saw you. And you can't even admit it."

"I do admit it. I know what I did. And if you'd listen to me, I'll give you the run-down."

Ben decided he'd listen, so he turned away from his laptop and back to Hux. "You have 3 minutes."

"Okay. So basically, I was dating this girl, Kate Unamo. No one really knew that we were dating, only a couple of her friends, and as a matter of fact, I don't even think we'd call it dating. We just hooked up, a lot. We never had actual sex, but... yeah."

"A minute and a half."

"Anyway, when I met you, I... I started to feel actual feelings toward you, ones I hadn't felt before. I never felt that towards Kate, and I feel bad for saying this now, but honestly, she was like a toy to me. We were like toys to each other. But then I'd met you in the first week and I didn't feel the same towards Kate since I met you. So yesterday I tried to break up with her, and I successfully did. But she wasn't happy about it, and when I tried to kiss her for one last time in a way to say goodbye, she shunned me. But whatever. I... I have you, right, Ben?"

Ben was silent. This whole time, Hux had liked him from the very beginning, such as how Ben had like Hux from the very beginning. Wow. But still. "You were cheating on your girlfriend for me?" He whispered. 

"She wasn't really my girlfriend, but yeah, I guess. I liked you more. She wasn't really much to me, and I feel awful that she wasn't, honestly."

"Did you ever try to hook up with her after you met me, or vice-versa?" 

"No, actually. Funny enough, both of us were too busy for it. I was never too busy for you, though."

Ben started to blush. "And how long have you and Kate been doing that?"

"Since the end of our sophomore year."

"Damn, okay. So basically, this summer, all you did was mouth-fucking."

"Yep. But I was also in 2 plays this summer. And I spent some time back in England for 2 weeks. But yeah, that's basically it."

"Wow. Okay. I... I forgive you, Brendol."

Hux sighed with happiness and took Ben's hand underneath the desk. "Thank you, Ben."

"Just one more question," Ben said, squeezing Hux's hand and lightly smiling. "What was the reason you told Kate you were breaking up with her for?"

"The truth, really. I didn't feel comfortable in the relationship."

"Brendol, I thought that all this lying to your girlfriend, the cheating on her and the deceit would make me feel sorry for her and angry at you, but honestly, I'm not either of those things, weirdly. I'm just happy to know that I have you again, and that this time, you're really mine."

Hux smiled. "Me too. I'm so thankful to have you."

"Are you still up for the Cheesecake Factory later?"

"You kidding me?" Hux kissed Ben's hand quickly. "Now that you're mine, I'm up for anything in the world, as long as it's with you."


	19. Holding Hands, Good Father Han and Leia's Lack of Knowlegde of Recent Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But at least he had a newfound respect for his father now.

"So that's basically what happened with me and Ellen. It's not a big, dramatic story. It just had to be done, we went in our separate directions and I think we're both doing better now." Ben smiled, sipping his passion fruit iced tea. 

Hux nodded. "We're actually more alike than I thought we were, Ben. Even the way we broke up with our girlfriends was nearly the same."

The waitress came back to their table with a basket of warm, fresh bread. Hux nodded, thanking her, and she smiled and left. Ben and Hux were at the Cheesecake Factory, and they'd just arrived 15 minutes ago and had already ordered, and were waiting on their meals to come.

After school, Ben had taken a shower, put on jeans and a button-down shirt, and waited until the time rolled around for him to put on cologne and leave to get to the Cheesecake Factory, much to the amusement of Rey. Rey wasn't even mad that Ben was leaving her to 3rd-wheel Finn and Poe, she was just happy that things were okay between Ben and Hux, which was just another one of the endless reasons to why Ben loved her so much. She was selfless (and she shipped Ben and Hux more than Ben shipped him and Hux, so there was that). 

Ben bit off a piece of brown bread. He said, "And also, we basically broke it off with them for each other to be honest." Hux laughed at the fact that Ben's mouth was stuffed with bread as he spoke, making Ben laugh along too when he swallowed. 

Hux flicked his eyes up to Ben. "Would you like to hold my hand?" He asked softly. 

Ben sipped his iced tea again, then looked around cautiously. He looked back at Hux, raising an eyebrow. "Right now?" He hissed. 

"Yeah, why not?"

"Brendol," Ben said. He was nervous and he knew it, but he tried to stay calmed. "Why here and why now, anyway?"

"Why not here and why not now?" Hux leaned in towards Ben. "If you're going to be mine, I want everyone to know it."

"I don't know if I'm ready for that yet..." Ben said, but Hux had slowly moved his hand on top of Ben's. He quickly laces his fingers through his, squeezing Ben's hand. Ben knew it was cheesy, but when he did that, Ben felt a little less nervous. 

The waitress brought their food, and Ben and Hux continued to hold hands. Hux was ambidextrous, so he could eat his fettuccine Alfredo with his left hand. Ben ate and focused on the warmth of Hux's hand and how it felt in his, and his nervousness completely disappeared. 

That was, until Ben felt his shoulder get grabbed. He quickly turned around, only to be greeted by the last face he wanted to see on his perfect night. 

"Benjamin Solo." Leia sidled up next to Ben's chair. Ben continued to hold Hux's hand as he looked into his mother's eyes. Leia didn't notice. 

"Hello, mother." 

Ben heard another voice. It said, "I thought we agreed to let him have both of our names, Leia."

Ben frowned as Han Solo stood up adjacent to his ex-wife, both looking down at Ben. Han smiled lightly at the sight of his son, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. "Hey, son."

"Han." Ben acknowledged him, scowling. Han sighed. 

"No, Han, it's the government that said he's to keep your name. Honestly, in my opinion, Ben Solo sounds better anyway. That's supposed to be a compliment, so don't get riled. Ben Solo sounds better than Ben Organa-Solo. Or Ben Organa. That just sounds bad."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Seriously, though. What the hell does it matter it sounds better? A name's a name, Leia."

"Jesus, Han. That's besides the point, anyway." Leia turned back toward Ben. Ben was so busy watching his parents bicker that he had forgotten that they were here for him." Ben sat up straighter, letting his mother know that he was not intimidated. 

Leia folded her arms, pursing her mouth. "Who's this, Ben?" She said fake-sweetly, gesturing to Hux. 

"Oh, this is my friend." Ben said quickly. Hux gave him a look, then turned the other way, grasping his hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing out loud. 

Hux looked back at Leia and Han and shook both of their hands at once. It was Ben's turn to try not to laugh. "It's nice to meet you both." He said, grinning. 

"Are you dating my son?" Leia asked, still shaking Hux's hand. 

"W-what?"

"Ben, here. Are you dating him?" 

Han had stopped shaking Hux's hand a while ago, but Hux and Leia still had a firm grip on one another's hand. They were forcefully shaking their hands, their eyes locked. Then Han had to step in and say, "Okay, Leia, you're scaring the kid." Leia let go of Hux's hand, tilting her chin up at Hux. 

Ben stood up. "Yeah, mom. Yeah, we're dating."

Leia's mouth dropped open. She looked at Han, who had his mouth in a small smile. "Congratulations, son." He said softly. 

"Congratulations?!" Leia looked back at Ben. "Well, I didn't know this  happened while you were at college for a mere 3 weeks. Hell, I didn't even know you were gay, Ben."

"Oh my god, mom. First thing is, I'm not. Second thing is, you didn't exactly give me the chance to ever talk to you about-"

"If you're not gay, what do you call this, then?"

"Um, you don't need to be gay to date a person of your own gender, mom."

"Isn't that how that whole thing worked?!" Leia sounded genuinely confused, making Han snort with laughter into his palm and say, "Oh, Jesus." Leia glared at him, and then looked back at Ben. 

"Whatever." Leia looked at Hux. "It was nice to... meet you... I guess. Ben," Leia looked back at her son. "You're coming straight home with me. Me and your father were at a business meeting with 2 clients and we were unfortunate enough to see this. We sent you to college to learn, not to have romantic endeavors. I mean like, first you not being in the family business, and now-"

"Mom! Enough about the fucking family business!!!" Ben flipped his shit and yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "I've heard enough of it! I did what I wanted to do, and you're just gonna have to- HEY!!" Ben didn't notice that he's started advancing toward his mother, and his father was now holding him back from doing something he might regret. Like hitting her in public, for example. Ben had forgotten that they were in a restaurant. He wiggles out of his father's arms and turned away, looking back towards Hux. 

Hux gave him a small smile, walked toward Ben and put his hand in Ben's again. He squeezed it again, thus calming down Ben. Ben smiled back and Hux. Luckily for the 2 of them, they took advantage of Han and Leia's background arguing about their son. They noticed the waitress pass by and they asked for the check early, receiving it in less than 30 seconds later. They signed it, and Hux put his arm around Ben. 

Han and Leia were still arguing. Leia screaming about how Ben had to pay the price, and Han screaming back at her to let it go. Hux and Ben walked away from the huge scene Leia and Han were making, Ben taking one last glance back at his parents. Leia noticed them leaving and she screamed, "Benjamin Solo, come back here and listen to me, dammit! I'm your mother, and this is not over!!!"

"Dammit, Leia, let. It. GO!" Han put a hand on Leia's shoulder, that being the last thing Ben saw of his parents and the Cheesecake Factory for that night. Hux and Ben went back to holding hands. Ben sighed when he realized that they left without even finishing their meal or getting dessert. 

But at least he had a newfound respect for his father now.


	20. Training Wheels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben didn't know who leaned in for the kiss first, maybe they both leaned in at the same time. But next thing he knew, Hux's lips were on his again, and Ben was smiling through the kiss. 
> 
> And that's when Ben knew the training wheels on their relationship had been pulled off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing the next one soon! :)

The car ride home was filled with silence. Ben and Hux had decided before that they'd go to Ben's dorm because Ben had received a text from Rey immediately after they left the Cheesecake Factory, with Rey telling him that she was staying over at Poe's dorm with Finn. Hux believed that the drama sorority house would be crowded possibly. So they drove home in Hux's car, with Ben resting his chin on his palm as he stared out the window. Hux kept his right hand in Ben's thigh the whole way. 

Even the weather matched the atmosphere. It had started to rain, drizzle really, but it still matched the overall mood. Ben knew he was being ungrateful but still, he hated with a passion what just happened to him, but as usual, he was grateful to have Hux there with him. 

When they'd gotten to the building, Hux parked and they got out of the car. He smoothly slipped his hand into Ben's as Ben pulled his keys out of his pocket with the other hand. They walked up the stairs and Ben unlocked the door, walking Hux in. 

Ben sighed, pulling off his jacket and putting it on the coat-hanger. He watched Hux do the same as Ben flopped onto his bed, lying on his back. Hux watched him. "Don't be upset, Ben." He walked over to the bed, then he pulled him self on top of it and mirrored Ben's position, lying down next to him. "Your dad seemed like a nice guy at least."

Ben nodded. "I guess. But that's beyond the point. I'm... even though Han decided to want to be nice to me, I'm still not over what happened with my mum. It's just... and then in front of you... she's just ridiculous. I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"Don't be sorry or embarrassed. Yeah, your mum, she's... something. But don't worry about it, please."

"How could I not worry about it?" Ben threw his hands in the air as a lack of understanding. "She humiliated me... in front of you, to make things worse. And then she's all... homophobic, which is awful, honestly. I didn't know she was."

"Ben, Ben, shhh. It's okay, really. I said don't be embarrassed. Nothing that happens to you that isn't in your control could make me think of you any differently. Even with your family." Hux rolled over into his side so he could meet Ben's brown eyes. Ben did the same. 

"I believe you." Ben said simply. Hux reached out his hand and Ben took it, lightly playing with Hux's fingers. 

Ben thought for a minute. He knew that this was a perfect opportunity to do what he wanted to do. He felt like Hux would want to do it as well. 

So he decided the perfect way to tell Hux what he wanted to do was say, "Ruin me."

Hux moved his eyes away from his and Ben's hands, looking back into Ben's eyes. He raised an eyebrow. Then he smirked. "Okay," He said, and he happily obliged to Ben's wish. 

And there it was. The kiss that Ben has been waiting for. Ben closed his eyes and listened as Hux moved his body on top of Ben's, then kissed him on the mouth softly. Ben kissed back, enjoying it very much. He moved his hand up to the short hairs at the back of Hux's neck, moving his other onto Hux's chest. Hux moaned, biting Ben's bottom lip, asking for entrance. Ben hissed at the surprisingly enjoyable feeling of the pain, and he let Hux in. Hux's tongue snaked quickly through Ben's lips, exploring Ben's mouth. 

Ben soon felt himself being pulled by Hux, who thrust him to the wall next to Ben's nightstand. Hux took his tongue out of Ben's mouth, pausing for a breather. Ben took a deep breath, unbelieving of what he was doing. He felt... rebellious in a way. He felt like what he was doing with Hux was correct wrongdoing. Bittersweet and awfully good. 

Ben and Hux continued to make out against the wall furiously. Ben reached out for the top of Hux's button down and he started to unbutton it bit by bit. Hux pulled away when Ben was around halfway through, breathing heavily. "Oh, to hell with that!" He remarked, stripping off his shirt with none of the buttons popping off. Ben looked at him with awe and lust. 

Then Ben started to unbutton his own button down while Hux leaned against the wall, smirking. He got halfway down again and Hux pulled off Ben's shirt, tossing it to the ground. He stared at Ben's slightly visible 6-pack (which Ben honestly couldn't remember how he got, he was just proud he had it). "Dammit, you're so hot." Hux said, and Ben didn't even blush. He felt confident. 

So he then said, "We both know you want more..." And he drawled off, mostly because he was out-of-breath but he hoped it sounded hot enough. 

Hux then pushed him back against the wall, pressing his lips to Ben's quickly. He thrust his hips against him. Ben widened his eyes in shock for a second, but then he got into the swing of things and moved along with Hux's body as they made out. 

Hux then led Ben back to the bed, leaning him over it as they refused to cease their avid kissing. Hux's taste was sweet, and Ben couldn't help feeling turned on when he opened his eyes and noticed Hux's usually well-kept, neat red hair start to slowly fall in front of his face. The bangs started to fall in front of his face first, but soon enough, all of his hair was messy. 

Ben traced his fingers over Hux's slight abs as well, relishing the slight toning. Then he traced his finger over Hux's back, feeling his strong, supple bones and muscles he had gained by doing cardio. Throughout all of this, the two were still making out, their tongues in each other's mouths. 

That's when Hux broke off the kiss to move his mouth down to Ben's collarbone, which he bit. Ben hissed softly, moaning soon after. Then Hux slowly moved his mouth up to the sensitive skin on Ben's neck, which he nipped at slightly. Ben squeaked ever so softly, and Hux shushed him, saying, "Shh, shh shh, Ben, don't you enjoy it?" 

"Of course I do." He said, panting. And he did. But it hurt. Pleasurably. Ben realized that that was how it was supposed to be like, and he was glad that he was doing it with Hux. Having no experience whatsoever, Ben still found the feeling to be irresistible. 

Hux nipped the area right above Ben's pecs, his red hair dragging across Ben's collarbone as Ben writhed ever so slightly, sighing and groaning pleasingly. Ben didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to resist temptation, so he dragged himself from underneath Hux and started to unbutton Hux's trousers. Hux grinned boyishly, laughing slightly. 

Ben unzipped Hux's fly and his trousers fell off Hux's legs, sliding to the ground in a heap. Hux looked down at his green boxers (which Ben thought really brought out his eyes) and then looked back at Ben, smirking again. "I guess it's my turn, then." He said naughtily, and in no time, Ben's jeans were off his legs and on the floor messily, right next to Hux's pants. 

Hux started to laugh. Ben felt confused for a moment, then he looked down at his boxers. He was wearing his favorite Superman boxers, having forgotten he was wearing them. "Ben, oh my god, I love them." Hux said, and then before Ben could say anything, Hux was right back on top of him, in mouth-to-mouth combat. 

They went on like that for another 2 minutes, with Ben having an erection and knowing Hux could feel it. Ben could tell that Hux also had a boner, and it was leaning onto his. But what Ben knew to be the truth is that both of them were too tired to have physical sex. And Ben was okay with that. He felt like they'd do it anyway sometime soon in the future. He was satisfied with what Hux and he had done. 

Then Ben let go and Hux rolled off from on top of him, looking up on the ceiling. They were both in the position that they had started in when they went inside Ben's dorm, the only difference is that they were stripped down to their briefs, both of their hair was very messy and they were both breathing raggedly and covered in each other's sweat. 

Ben turned his head to Hux, asking him the question he'd been waiting to tell him. "What's your sexuality?" He managed to formulate a question that Hux could understand.

Hux turned to him. "I'm definitely bi." He said simply. Ben raised an eyebrow. "What, I can't keep my heterosexual childhood crushes?" Hux asked jokingly, and Ben laughed. 

"No, no, it's not that. I'm actually bi, too. For the same reasons." Ben said, and he was telling the truth. "And it's also because I still miss Ellen." He added quickly. 

Hux nodded. "I understand. I completely feel you. Like, there's something about girls that's different with guys, even when you're bisexual, and it comes with the sex appeal, honestly." 

Ben wondered if Hux had more sexual experience than he was letting on. He was fantastic at giving Ben sexual pleasure but he wondered if he and Kate were the only ones, or if there were more. "I miss the taste of her mouth."

"Bingo. Girls are better kissers than guys."

"No, no, no, that's not what I was trying to say, Brendol!" Ben said, and Hux started to laugh. "Hey, was there anyone before me and Kate? Like, crushes, kisses, et cetera?"

"Well, yeah, actually. I used to, well, it's embarrassing saying this now, but I fucked around with girls a lot when I was in high school. But it never went to anything beyond kissing. As for crushes, I've only felt attraction toward girls, I've never liked a guy before." Hux paused. "I mean, not until like, a couple weeks ago."

Ben blushed, and Hux reached over to pinch his cheek. "Yeah, actually, Ellen was my first and only until you."

"I find that to be an honour, actually. We were both virgins when we met each other."

Ben decided not to respond to that. He knew that he and Hux were still virgins, sort of. The thing they did wouldn't be considered as sex to most, so Ben still considered him and Hux to still be virgins. 

Ben said, "I'm pretty exhausted, actually. And Rey isn't coming back until tomorrow afternoon. So I'm thinking that maybe, maybe you could stay over?" 

"Yes, definitely. I'll just reuse my clothes from tonight when I leave tomorrow. Should I shower?" 

"Tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Nah, to be honest, I don't think so." Ben dragged off a corner of the sheets, thinking Hux would get the hint. He gestured to it with his chin. 

Hux smiled. Ben smiled back and he crawled into his bed (which was luckily a queen-size, so he and Hux could both fit in). Hux did the same, lifting up the covers and crawling into the bed on Ben's right. 

"Well," Hux started. "Have you forgotten about everything with your mother now? Are you now perfectly 'ruined'?" 

It was Ben's turn to smirk. "Mostly. I'm certainly satisfied, if that's what you're asking me. You basically know everything about me now, Brendol. And I'm happy about that."

Hux smiled lightly and shifted in bed so he was lying on his back like Ben. He looked up to the ceiling and after a moment, turned his head back to Ben and said, "Isn't this what you've always wanted?"

"What do you mean?" Ben shifted into his side so he could look straight at Hux. 

"You know, like, to have a relationship where we could see inside of each other and know exactly who the other person was just by looking at them. Where neither of us have secrets. It's a magnificent feeling, and I don't want it to ever go away. Do you feel the same way, Ben? Isn't it what you've always needed, because honestly, it's what I always needed."

Ben felt touched. That feeling Hux had elaborately described, Ben knew what it was and he knew that he felt it. So he asked Hux, "Is that what we have?"

"You tell me."

"Yeah. That's what we have, I think so." Ben felt like it was a stupid answer. 

Then Hux shifted his body so he could directly face Ben. He brought his hands up to Ben's face and cupped his hands around it. "I hope that's what we have."

"I don't have anything to hide from you, Brendol." Ben lightly smiled and began to blush again. 

Hux returned the smile and said, "And I don't have anything to hide from you, Ben." He shifted his body so he could lie down on his back again, and Ben took the opportunity to shimmy into the crook of Hux's arm and lay his head on top of Hux's bare chest. Then, just like the afternoon after the party, Hux began to stroke Ben's hair.

While he leaned into Hux's touch once more, Ben relived all of his and Hux's memories together. When he first walked into Snoke's classroom and Ben first laid eyes on him. When the two of them first started speaking to each other. The theatre scenes they did together as partners. When Hux invited Ben to the party. When Hux took care of Ben when he was hurt. The kisses on the cheek. Ben's scene partner's friend Aaliyah shipping them. When Hux invited Ben to Starbucks. Their shared love over Game of Thrones. The way that when Hux drove, he held onto Ben's thigh. When Ben invited Hux to the Cheesecake Factory. When Ben thought that all hope between him and Hux were lost, and then Hux came and restored it. 

Hux. The look of him. His ginger hair. His fantastic outfits. His kindness and respect toward others. His sense of responsibility, authority and duty. The way he could turn Ben on by just a simple wink. 

And by thinking about this, Ben realised he loved Hux. He felt like his knew it himself, so he had to find out if he felt the same way. 

Ben looked up at Hux and said, "Brendol, if we're going to be completely honest in this relationship, I thought you should know this about me. I love you. I honestly really do. I am crazy, ridiculously, stupidly in love with you and I'm not embarrassed to say it. And I was wondering if you feel the same way about me. Do you love me, Brendol?"

Hux stopped stroking Ben's hair and looked him in the eyes again, cupping his face in his hands one more time. He smiled lightly and sweetly, and replied, "Does it really need saying, Ben?"

Ben didn't know who leaned in for the kiss first, maybe they both leaned in at the same time. But next thing he knew, Hux's lips were on his again, and Ben was smiling through the kiss. 

And that's when Ben knew the training wheels on their relationship had been pulled off.  
\----------------------------------------------  
"I love everything you do,  
When you call me fucking dumb  
for the stupid shit I do,  
I wanna ride my bike with you,  
Fully undressed,  
No training wheels left for you,  
I'll pull them off for you."  
\- "Training Wheels",   
a song by Melanie Martinez  
\----------------------------------------------  
                        THE END


End file.
